a—”
“I know how it works.” He cuts me off, skin flushing pink. “I just figured you’d want to break your curse with Bastian and try things with him, first. You know, considering how hard you were fighting against marriage and all that when we were engaged.” He screws his brows tight and squints at me. “You’re being serious, right? Still not a joke?”
“Still not a joke,” I echo. “That’s what everyone wants for me. But … that’s not what’s really going to happen.” I wait until his curiosity piques before quietly adding, “I may have found a way to break my family’s curse. While the kingdom thinks I’m courting, we’re going to have a different goal.”
To this, Ferrick’s shoulders ease. “Ah, yes, that sounds much more like you. For a second there I thought some wicked sea spirit must have possessed you.”
I laugh, jabbing him in the arm, but Ferrick swats my hand and ignores it. “You know we’ve looked everywhere for that charm, right? We’ve done everything but physically tear Zudoh apart looking for whatever Kaven might have used to create your curse, and we haven’t been able to find anything. What makes you think you’ll find it in Kerost?”
“I don’t,” I say. “I’ve no doubt whatever object Kaven used is lost forever. This is something new.”
“Something that Blarthe told you about?” Ferrick’s too smart for his own good. He exhales hard, my lack of an answer enough of a confirmation. “And what happens to Blarthe once you find this rumored object?”
“Then I’ll proceed with him as planned,” I say easily. “He has no power; I just need to keep him around until I see whether his lead goes anywhere.” And for his help with time magic, though Ferrick doesn’t need to know that.
“He wouldn’t have told you unless he has something up his sleeve, Amora. He’s too self-preserving for that.”
It’s a thought that’s been eating at me, too. But when Ferrick says it, I’m immediately defensive.
“If he tries anything, we’ll be ready. For now, he’s in the prisons, bound and gagged. We have time.”
Leaning back on his hands, Ferrick nods. Though still skeptical, he doesn’t fight me or say that he knows better. Whether he agrees with me or not, Ferrick’s stepped into his role as my leading adviser, and is backing my decision.
My appreciation for him is warm enough to burn a hole through my heart. For a fleeting moment, I get the urge to tell him everything—not just about the long night I spent awake, reading up on legends, but about what’s been happening every time I shut my eyes—how all that waits for me behind them is death.
I think to tell him how I see a mass of Visidia’s fallen, with Father standing between a sea of dead bodies. Of the blood that falls like a river from his stomach, and smoke that shrouds his face and body, but never the hand that’s always reaching out for me, begging me to save him. I think to tell him of how breathing is more painful than ever now, and that it sometimes doesn’t come at all.
I want to tell Ferrick that I know how ridiculous it sounds, because I’m meant to be the one protecting Visidia. I’m meant to be restoring it. But that sometimes I worry these nightmares will stay with me forever. Bodies woven in red, soaking in seas of blood.
I want to tell him that I am willing to risk anything—everything—to make up for my family’s past and send these memories to the bottom of the sea where they belong.
Instead, I take the easier route, the safe route. Because the last thing I need right now is anyone’s judgment. Especially his.
I give his knee a quick pat as I stand and make my way for the door.
“Tell Bastian to pack too, all right?” I add quietly, not ready to share the news with him myself. “But … Just tell him when to meet us on the docks. I need to be the one to tell him the rest.”
You won’t be able to ignore me forever, Princess.
I shudder at the memory of Bastian’s words. He’s right—come tomorrow, I won’t be able to ignore him any longer. Come tomorrow, we’ll be forced on the same ship for gods know how long.
Ferrick runs pale fingers through his damp red hair. “Of course. I want to be clear that I absolutely hate this idea and am totally against every part of it … But of course. I