me for five minutes, maybe you’d realize that.”
I tense before I realize there’s no harshness to his words. They’re flat and factual, and that alone halts my building tension.
“This curse affects me, too,” he says, “and it’d be nice if you remembered that. Wherever you go, I’ve no choice but to follow. So when you’re stuck on Arida, or parading around the islands with suitors, remember that I have to be there too, when all I want is to return to Zudoh and help repair the damage done to my home.”
“That’s all you want?” And gods, I don’t know why I ask. Part of me wants to swallow the words the moment they’re out, but the other part wants to hear him say it, because I can’t stop the feelings. The rage. The want.
The most vicious part of me wants to know he’s feeling the same way.
Tell him, Amora. Tell him the truth.
“You know it’s not.” Bastian stands, and I can barely breathe when he crosses the floor. Every step he takes toward me is one I draw back, until I’m flush against the wall and we stand chest to chest. He pins an arm on one side of my head and leans his face down so that his breath warms my lips. Never once do his hazel eyes stray from mine until his hand fists into my curls and I shut my eyes, dropping my head against the wall as my body practically breaks beneath his touch, wanting nothing more than for him to kiss me. To touch me.
I stiffen, expectant, but nothing comes. I force my eyes open only to watch him frown.
“I want you.” Something in his voice fractures with those words. “I just can’t tell if you want me, too. With you, I’d be happy on Arida. But every time you see me, it’s like you’d prefer me not to exist. And yet here we are, like this, and you’re not exactly running away. So tell me what I’m supposed to think.” He pushes away, and my chest aches when he’s no longer against it. But the moment there’s distance between us, it’s like the fog retreats from my mind, clearing a path for my thoughts.
“Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it,” he urges. “I would move mountains for you. I would chase down the stars just so you could hold one. But if you don’t want that, then tell me now, because I won’t pine. I’m doing everything I can, Amora, but you have to tell me what you need.”
They’re words I’ve never heard before. Words that stir a fluttering in my chest. A rising pressure in my blood. An overwhelming sensation that this moment is fragile, and that with one wrong move, I’ll fracture everything.
“I wish it were that easy.” It’s not what I want to say; it’s what I have to. “I feel things for you that I’ve never felt for anyone, but part of my soul is inside your body, Bastian. How can I trust that any of this is real?”
“Because it was real from the moment we first met.” His voice is firm with determination. “I know you felt that same spark I did. It wasn’t an issue the first time we kissed, or the second, or when we were in Zudoh and nearly slept together. You and I had feelings for each other long before this curse.”
He’s right, and while I want to agree, I know in my gut it’s not the same. I will not be with someone who will chase down the stars for me if I cannot give them the moon in return. If I cannot be whole, then I cannot be with anyone.
This is my last chance to tell him the truth. But Bastian’s a tide that won’t stop reeling me in, and I need to be as unyielding as an anchor. I need him to feel a growing distance between us. Because I will not let this boy claim me, and if this is what it takes for him to realize that, so be it.
“I wish I could trust that.” I have to pull the words out of me. Each one is serrated, ripping me apart. “But whenever I’m near you, it feels like you own me. I’m not okay living like that.”
He draws back, and as he rubs a hand down his mouth and the dark stubble peppering it, I’m struck by how much older he seems. The shadows