will determine Visidia’s future forevermore. Remember that.
“The kingdom may be off-kilter, but you’re doing right by our people to let it run this course,” he says. “Look at Kerost, at how they’re thriving. The only reason they’ve been able to is because you sent Valukans to help them rebuild, so that they can learn to protect themselves and their homes. They’re better off than they’ve been in years because you made magic available for all.”
“Think of Zudoh,” Bastian interrupts, each word pressed firm with belief. “My people are finally part of the kingdom again. You’ve freed them from Kaven and sent soldiers to help them rebuild. Valuka was already in danger; giving them the use of multiple magics is going to do wonders for them.”
“What about what happened in Curmana?” I demand, because they’re only seeing half the picture. For everything good I’ve done, there are a million worse mistakes I’ve made. “People want me dead.”
Though I want my words to sway him, Ferrick is quick to shake his head. “It was one person, and Elias was power hungry,” he says. “He recognized a shifting climate and wanted to take advantage of it. He used you as an excuse, not a reason. I find it hard to believe that a man who wanted power as much as he did would never have tried something else, if the opportunity to go against you had never arisen. You can’t blame yourself for that. If anything, you helped Curmana’s people by discovering what was happening and bringing their struggles to light. The new laws you’ll create are only going to help protect them from harm.”
As much as he challenges me, I recognize this is why I asked him to be my adviser; even in times like this, he has the ability to be the most rational person I know. No matter how annoying it may be.
I clamp my teeth on the inner skin of my cheek, biting down as a rush of adrenaline courses through me. I can’t determine what, exactly, is causing it, because I feel everything. Pain. Confusion. Frustration. Guilt.
Somewhere within me, I know what Ferrick is saying is the truth. I know I should be listening. But with every word out of his mouth, I feel myself being pulled farther away from Father.
I flinch as Ferrick’s hand encompasses mine, warm and firm.
“I’ve lost a parent, too.” His words are tender, but they’re another knife twisting into my heart. “All of us have. I know it hurts. Losing my mother hurt more than any physical pain I’ve ever felt. I wish I could heal that feeling for you, Amora. I wish I could take away that pain, because I would do it for you in a heartbeat. But no one can give you that relief, and I’m sorry for it. I’m so, so sorry. But Bastian and I have been there. And we’re here for you. We’re not going anywhere.”
That’s all I can take. Everything swelling within me bubbles to the surface, and it can no longer be contained.
The tears come hot and fast as my chest rattles with breaths I can hardly take. I sink to the wood, and Ferrick is quick to follow, drawing me into his arms. I don’t know the words he says, but I feel him whisper them against my hair as he holds me close.
“I’m not ready,” I whisper into his shoulder, again and again like a prayer. “I’m not ready to say goodbye.”
At first, I’ve no idea if Ferrick responds, because all I can hear are my own sobs. All I see is Father’s body, bleeding and on fire, fading from me. The ghost of him reaches out, and my hand aches to reach back.
“He would want you to.” Ferrick’s voice cuts through the haze of smoke clouding my vision, and I falter. The hand I reach toward Father turns to lead, too heavy to keep up. Slowly, it begins to fall to my side. “He would want you to live the life you deserve.”
I stare at Father. At the hand he reaches out to me. I take a step toward him, and this time I don’t fall back. Bastian and Ferrick’s presence steadies me, and the smoke around him begins to take the form of his fiery steed.
Father’s eyes lift to mine, clear and warm and wonderful, and my chest burns as my hand falls back to my side. His lips curve, and he smiles.
I love you. I try to shout the words