me through the dead that seize him tight. I push harder and harder to reach him, screaming when the dead devour him.
It’s my fault he’s dead.
It’s my fault they’re all dead.
It’s my fault—
“Amora?”
The voice snaps Father’s image away, and I open my eyes. My hands are gripping the railing so tightly that they tremble, nails digging into the splintering wood. There’s a strangled gasping sound, and I don’t realize I’m the one making it until someone has one hand on my back and another on my shoulder.
“Oh, gods. Hey, take a breath, all right? Try to breathe.” The voice is feminine, but not enough like a song to be Vataea’s. Though I can barely focus, I try my best to do as Shanty says. “Good. Listen to my voice.”
And though I expect her to keep telling me to breathe, it’s with a jolt of surprise that I realize she’s no longer talking, but singing so quietly I have to focus to hear it’s a popular sea shanty.
Her voice is nothing like Vataea’s. It’s like a ship grating across sand, completely off pitch. But the familiar rhythm of the words beats in my head, and I follow it.
By the time the song’s done, my vision has steadied, and Shanty eases her grip. She’s likely the only reason I’m still standing.
“Thank you,” I manage to say between leveled breaths, letting the ocean’s brine lull me back into its comfort. Slowly but surely, the pain of the memories ebbs away—still there, and still a constant weight, but no longer too much to contain.
Beside me, Shanty leans her arms against the railing. “There’s nothing to thank. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but … Stuff like this? It gets better. Maybe not for a while, and maybe never entirely, but it gets better.”
I still, almost afraid to ask. “This has happened to you?”
She looks behind her, making sure no one’s paying attention before she whispers, “I imagine we have different reasons. But when my reasons feel like they’re too big to deal with, I know how suffocating that can feel. It doesn’t happen to me as often, anymore. But for me, music helps. Usually if it’s a song I know, I can focus on the words instead of the memories. My thoughts can get dark sometimes, so I try to trick them into something happier.”
I’m surprised by how comfortable she looks on a ship. I expected her to feel out of place, yet she’s perfectly at ease as she leans against the bow. Even now, it’s hard for me to get a grasp on who Shanty is. I know she didn’t come here out of good faith, but for the payment that comes with helping a queen. And yet, in this moment, it doesn’t feel like she has any ulterior motive. She seems like she would have stopped to help anyone who’d been going through what I was.
I’d always thought of Shanty as someone fearsome. Someone who next to nothing could shake. But here she is, the same as me.
“I didn’t expect you to come.” My words are as loud as my shaking voice can manage—hardly any louder than the wind. “Will the barracudas be fine without you?”
“The barracudas can take care of themselves,” she says. “This is a job, just like any other. They know I’ll come back to them, and my pockets will be nice and fat when I do.”
I set my arms over the railing and lean my head into them. “Please, don’t tell anyone about what happened. They wouldn’t understand.”
For a moment she says nothing, and if I didn’t feel the presence of her body beside me, I would think she’d left. Eventually though, her response comes. “It’s not mine to tell. But some of them might understand more than you think, you know.”
“You said it got better for you.” Behind her, I catch sight of the others sneaking glances at us, but between the distance and the roaring winds, I can’t imagine they’ve heard any of what’s happened. “When?”
“When I stopped running from it.” There’s something fond about the way she says it. “I had the help of my barracudas. They helped me embrace my past, when running from it became too exhausting.”
Again, my bones stiffen. Chills run up my spine and I shudder, though I play it off as only the wind.
“What do you say we get some breakfast?” Shanty insists. “Casem’s relaying notes from your mother about how to impress the bachelors, and her tips