at the thought. It slammed into me so hard, so fast, I couldn’t vanquish it before she noticed.
Of course she’d notice. I’d gone from making out to a block of cement against her.
“What is it?” She pulled back. Concern knotted her brows as the lust from our kiss vanished.
“Nothing.” She was here now. That was what mattered. And she gave herself to me easily after years of not trusting and being unloved the way she should have been. “Nothing at all.”
I kissed her again before she could see the lies I spoke and stood, grabbing her backside as I did.
Because as hard as I tried, I couldn’t unravel that ball quickly growing in my stomach.
22
Lilly
He lied.
I felt that lie in the way his body stilled beneath me, in the coolness of his kiss, and yet still, even knowing he’d just lied to me, I gave him what he sought. He kissed me harshly, touched me roughly, like he was trying to memorize the feel of me, already preparing for a time when it would no longer be his.
I could have said something. He’d already told me not to let him push me away, whether he remembered it or not, but I didn’t.
I took what he gave me, etched it into my own memories, and prepared to be there for him, however he needed me… even if there was distance. He’d given me so much, I had no problems giving him what he needed now when there was so much on his mind, so much he worried about in his desperate need to take care of everyone around him.
He laid me down on his bed, kneeling on the mattress and walking on his knees until my head hit the pillow and my thighs fell open.
Every time Hudson kissed me, my body responded, beginning in the deepest parts of me I never knew existed before him and spread outward to the tips of my limbs.
I wasn’t naïve about what he wanted. He brought me here as a distraction, perhaps for himself as much as me, to do anything to wipe away the fear in his eyes when I looked at him earlier. I wouldn’t question. I understood his fear, possibly more than he did. As someone who had lost everyone I loved, I knew the fear he held.
But he wasn’t pushing me away yet… and that said something, didn’t it? That he was trying to be different. And his strength of fight was one of his most attractive qualities. One of the reasons why even now, with his hands sliding up my hips, shoving my shirt above my breasts and tugging down the cups of my bra I let him take me as he needed, knowing it was to chase away his fears and not for me.
Knowing Hudson as well as I did, he would still make this about me.
“Please,” I gasped, right as his mouth closed over my nipple. His other hand worked feverishly at the center of my bra, undoing the clasp and pushing my bra off my other breast while he sucked and teased, flicked my nipple with his tongue. Shocks of pleasure spiked down my spine as he teased me. “Yes.”
He hummed against me before moving to my other breast. I arched off the bed, tugging my sweater over my head and off before my hands went to his shirt. I tugged on the hem, yanking it out of his jeans and pushed up until my hands were at his sides. At the firm muscles on his stomach and roamed to his back. He rolled his hips as I arched mine, seeking the hardness of him as he ground against me, and I so easily and hungrily gave to him in return.
Soon, we were a mess of discarded clothes, sweaty bodies pressed together, quieted sounds—me mostly. I scraped my teeth along his biceps as he entered me, kissing my throat, my breasts to quiet my cries.
“Yes,” he moaned, seating himself deep inside of me. “Every time. Every damn time you feel incredible.”
He settled his weight on top of me, gave me time to adjust like he always did, and I could do nothing but gasp at the strength of him stretching me while knitting me back together at the same time.
The words to tell him I loved him burned the tip of my tongue and I pressed my hand to his cheek, pulled him down so our noses brushed. He could see every emotion for him I possessed