only made my stomach churn. “Not necessarily. Could take a day or two to wreck his body or he couldn’t show side effects until the next round. It’s all a fucking crapshoot.”
Her hand covered mine and she squeezed. “I’m here. However you need.”
“I know.”
The problem was bringing her closer made my chest ache in ways that weren’t altogether good. Brandon had a point about not pushing her away. I wasn’t a damn idiot. I knew I did it to people. But they hadn’t watched everyone they loved die like slow falling dominoes either.
I was trying, though. For me. And for her.
Lilly strolled into the kitchen hours after I’d already woke up, wearing an oversized sweatshirt and gray leggings. Her hair was still damp and she was wearing minimal makeup, telling me she’d been up for a little bit and hadn’t just dragged herself out of bed.
Good. She’d needed the sleep even though when I woke up and her body was pressed to mine, I’d had to fight the urge to wake her with my mouth all over her body.
“Good morning,” I said, and held out my arm for her to come to me.
She did, and rested her head against my shoulder where I stood at the stove cooking eggs. “‘Morning. Have you seen your dad?”
There were many things I’d learned about Lilly through photos and stories, but there was nothing better than learning that in the morning, her voice was soft and she liked to cuddle. Like she needed warmth from another human to get her day started.
Or that she’d been deprived of it so long she craved human touch whenever she could get it. But since that thought tended to piss me off, I tried to hope for the former.
I kissed the top of her head, inhaling the scent of my own minty shampoo she must have used in the shower. “Checked on him, which would piss him off if he knows, but he’s still sleeping.”
“I won’t tell him. You get any sleep?”
“Some.” She kissed my cheek and I leaned in where her lips lingered. “Did you buy me the bagels?”
“Yeah. Knew you liked them.”
“You’re a sweet guy, Hudson, you know that?”
“Trust me. You’re sweeter. And I miss it.” It’d been two days since we had sex. Now that the floodgates had opened it felt like a year with how long the last two days had been.
I should have kept my mouth shut. I liked her for a hell of a lot more than sex. The burn on her cheeks was worth it. She swatted my shoulder and headed toward the coffee.
“Gross.”
“It’s anything but that. Trust me.”
She shook her head. Let her think I was a fool.
Her smile and the light in her eyes made every foolish statement a reward.
She poured her coffee and once she did, she settled against the counter next to me, cupped the coffee mug in both of her hands. “I was thinking of Shawn this morning.”
“In the shower?” I teased.
“No.” She rolled her eyes. “And not that way, trust me. But I think I decided to let him go on seeing if he can find an address.”
“You sure?” I froze. With how she’d originally reacted, I’d expected her to change her mind.
“No, but I think like what you said, if I have that information, it’s my choice. And if I do decide to reach out one last time, this way I at least know they get it.”
“And if they ignore it?”
“Then I let them go.”
We both knew it wasn’t that easy. I let her pretend it was though. It wasn’t any different than me pretending I was doing okay with Dad being sick.
“I wouldn’t imagine it would take long.” It’s not like they were in hiding, just had a private, unlisted address. Given his stature in the community, I’d imagine his contact info would be pretty damn easy for Shawn to get.
“Doesn’t mean I have to reach out right away.”
“No. It doesn’t. And you know I’m here, however you need me to be.”
I parroted her words back to her from last night. Partly to reassure her I was, partly to let her know how much they’d meant to me.
How much she meant to me.
“Then it’s settled.”
She was absolutely not settled. “Yep.”
“Good.” She turned and slid her bagel into the toaster, keeping her back to me.
I again let her have her little lie. We both knew things weren’t settled at all, in more ways than one.
20
Lilly
“I’m surprised you wanted to come here,” I said to