the worst first dates I ever had. Hudson mentioned that he was hung up on someone. After he said that, it ended pretty quickly. I take it after I saw you two dance it was you?”
“I have no idea.” And I didn’t. We’d barely met if it was much longer than a month ago.
But there was a night… it rushed through me with the force of a tidal wave almost making me lose my footing on my heels. The night he was outside the church. He’d been so lost in thought when I’d caught him on those steps and he’d been so surprised to see me. But not upset about it at all. That was the night he took me for cupcakes. He’d said he had plans that didn’t go well.
Was I the reason it hadn’t?
She seemed to think so.
“Well.” She shrugged and rubbed at the corner of her lips, smoothing away her bright red lipstick. “If it was you, I’m glad to see you two working things out. Jenna told me he was a great guy. I mean, I didn’t feel that after meeting him but if he is—”
“He is.”
She grinned at me in the mirror. “Then like I said, I’m glad you two are working things out.” She dug in her clutch and handed me a small compact. “Here. Do you need a powder refresh? We’re not the same coloring, but it might help.”
Her kindness floored me. I gaped at the compact and then at her, until all I saw on her face was a genuine desire to help.
“Thank you,” I whispered, barely able to speak. I took the compact and opened it, powdering my face. It didn’t little to hide the worst splotches and the color was pinker than my own skin hue but she was right. It helped a little. “That was really nice of you,” I said when I handed it back to her.
“Us girls have to stick together, right?”
I wouldn’t know, exactly, but I was definitely learning. “Yeah.”
“Have a good night then and tell Hudson I said hello.”
She turned and disappeared into a stall right as the bathroom door swung open again before I could fully register what had just happened.
The rustle of crinoline and satin and silks came first, followed by the drop waist styled dress with a long train of ostrich feathers. Finally, Jenna appeared, huffing with frustration at getting her monstrous, but gorgeous dress through the doorway.
“Oh good. You’re here!” she exclaimed. She gripped her dress to keep it off the floor. Behind her, her sister Mary who I’d met on the dance floor came in behind, gathering up the long train that must have come un-bustled. Her arms held the feathered train and as her head lifted, she spit one out of her mouth.
“I’ve been looking for you,” Jenna said.
She came to me and caught my expression, probably my barely repaired makeup and red eyes and cheeks and her exuberant smile vanished. “What happened? Tell me Hudson wasn’t a complete dipstick again?”
He’d been perfect. Absolutely perfect. Would I ever measure up? I crumpled beneath her worry and gripped the edge of the sink. She knew everything. About me. About Hudson. She knew about loving difficult people when it seemed so impossible and yet there she was… married and in love.
Completely forgetting about Harper, and all the goodness she’d given me, seeing Jenna made me think about what she told me when she came to my apartment.
“How Jenna… how do you love a man who only gives himself to you in pieces?” I croaked it out, sounding like a frog. Fear I wouldn’t be able to, wrapped itself around my heart, squeezing painfully tight.
Hudson and I were both guilty of the same. How could I expect him to love me when I kept so much back myself?
Her smile turned wistful, thick with understanding.
“You treasure each piece as it’s given, knowing the cost of them handing it over is so much greater than you could imagine. As the puzzle grows, so does everything else.” She said it so simply, but her eyes dimmed and her face softened, like she knew.
She knew the painful cost of what it would take. Perhaps for both of us. More than I could possibly understand.
After all, I hadn’t ever truly loved anyone. While Hudson had everyone he’d loved taken from him.
“I don’t know if I’m strong enough,” I admitted.
What a fool I was. This was Jenna’s wedding day. Her moment.
She looked at me like I’d lost my