giving away how it felt like his world was crashing down. He knew Devon, knew he’d applied to Stanford, and knew he’d gotten in. What he didn’t know was that Devon—one of the kindest men Nik had ever met—would ruin everything. “I didn’t know you were looking.”
Adam let out a small sigh and laid his cheek on the top of Nik’s shoulder. “It felt like time, you know? Time to stop wandering, time to try actually making a life for myself. I want to be worth more than some nomadic piercer living off bare bones savings.”
Nik only just managed to quell the tremble in his fingers, or the shaking of his breath in his chest. He had been desperate to leave—he assumed Adam had wanted something like that—had wanted more than some small-town life. How had been so wrong?
“Nik?” Adam’s voice roused him from his thoughts, and his head lifted away. “Are you okay? You had something to tell me, right?”
Nik managed a smile, and maybe for the first time in his life, he wished he knew if it looked fake. He fought the urge to touch his mouth. “Nothing important. Just…that I’m glad you’re here.”
Adam made a small noise, then curled his arms around Nik’s waist and held him tight, almost like he didn’t believe him—and that was fair. It was a lie. “I know things are a lot right now, but I just want you to know that I’m…that I want to do this. I want to settle and be with you. I don’t want you to feel like I was ready to pack and run the moment my brother-in-law got home.”
Nik understood. He might have felt the same, and it was entirely his fault for not telling Adam that he was discontent with this life. That yes, he wanted love, and he wanted roots, and he wanted more—but not like this. Not here. He wouldn’t manage on just his private students alone, and he’d yet to hear from Catherine on whether or not her mission to discredit him for being publicly gay would extend further.
He had no hope for himself, and no doubt she would try.
It felt like someone had swept the rug out from under him, and he was still falling. His throat was tight again, and he tried to reach out and grab those feelings again when Adam had been playing, when he’d realized just how damn in love with this man he truly was.
But they were so far out of reach.
Another concession, another compromise. Another prison sentence in this place.
“Nik,” Adam said again.
Nik decided he could pin this moment, just for now. He cupped his hand under Adam’s chin, then kissed him—slow, steady, a push of his tongue deep into Adam’s mouth, drawing out the soft moans he’d become addicted to. “Let’s go to bed,” he told his lover.
Adam sighed and sagged against him. “Yes.”
Nik hung on just a little tighter, just for a second. Stepping out of the room would re-start the clock, would send the hours crashing forward to the moment when he would have to tell Adam he needed more—wanted more. That his life was changing and…
And…he didn’t know what.
But there was no stopping time. He knew that too well as he tried to drag every moment he could out of his dying mother first and now his father. And now this. He kissed Adam once more, then let his boyfriend take his hand and pull him into the inevitable.
Chapter 22
Vivace
Something was different with Nik and not in a good way. He was as sweet as ever, attentive and helpful—sparing no expense of cash and manual labor to get Adam into his new apartment. They went shopping for bedding. He helped Adam find a nice set of dishes, then fucked him against the side of the counter, next to the unpacked boxes, until he saw stars.
If possible, they spent even more time together, yet, Adam could feel it. There was a rift—like a spiderweb crack growing every time he put pressure on it, and it wouldn’t be long before it shattered. He didn’t have a lot of experience in relationships, but he wasn’t ignorant. He knew how this shit worked—and he knew the warning signs.
Every time he tried to talk to Nik about it, though, he was met with a quiet brush off. Nik distracted him with kisses and clever fingers and his growing composition, which might have been the most telling part of the whole thing. His music started out