that a lot?”
“All the time,” Nik breathed out. His hands brushed the top of the table until they touched the menus, and he laughed. “She really did bring me one.”
“Yeah,” Adam said. “Sorry, we can totally go somewhere else.”
“I just want a burger,” Nik said, waving him off. “Something with fries, nothing fancy.”
Adam spotted one right away. “Yeah, they have that. Missy Burger and fries.”
“Sounds great,” Nik said, like he was trying, and that just made it worse.
Adam felt his stomach clench, his appetite nearly gone, and he set the menu down, folding his hands over it. “Why are we doing this?”
Nik’s cheeks went faintly pink. “Eating dinner?”
“Making small talk, fucking joking around like you didn’t kiss me and then leave me sitting backstage in a goddamn church auditorium without an explanation why.” And oh, there it was—the anger, the rejection, the hurt. Maybe he wasn’t so ready to forgive—maybe he just wanted to know if Nik wanted his forgiveness instead of accepting a simple apology.
Nik reared back like he’d been hit, his hands on the table trembling a little. For a second, Adam held his breath, thinking maybe he’d leave again. Then Nik sagged forward and shook his head. “There was so much—”
But his words were interrupted when their server with a too big smile and buttons all over his shirt slid up to the table and grinned. Adam wanted to throw something, hit something, scream until everyone stopped being so fucking happy.
“Hey there, you two! Can I start you off with something to drink?”
Adam swallowed thickly and waited for Nik to order, who just asked for a water. “Cookies and cream shake, water, and we’re both ready to order.”
The server’s smile faltered a little bit at his sharp tone, but he reached into his apron pocket for his order pad anyway. “Whenever you’re ready.”
“Two of the Missy Burgers, condiments on the side, both with fries.” Adam’s words were short, almost desperately clipped because he just wanted this man to fuck off. It wasn’t until the menus were collected that he realized he’d ordered for them both. “Shit,” he breathed out. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to just order for you.”
Nik waved him off. “Easier that way.”
“I just…I feel like I’m losing my mind a little bit. Like I’m going to implode if you don’t say something,” Adam told him in a rough voice.
“I know. I know, I,” Nik said, then stopped. “I panicked.”
“Right now?” Adam pressed.
Nik shook his head. “That night. I’ve never met anyone like you, Adam. I’ve never met anyone I’ve just wanted to be around all the time. I’ve had friends and lovers in the past—I adore Jay beyond all reason, but it’s different with you.”
“So why?” Adam whispered. “Why just leave me there if you…”
“Because I can’t lose you,” Nik blurted. His hand fumbled across the table, searching, and in spite of himself—hating himself a bit for it—Adam tangled their fingers and held on for dear life. “Kissing you was a mistake.”
And that felt like a gunshot. His fingers spasmed, but Nik wouldn’t release him from his grip. “Let go,” he begged in a whisper.
Nik did. “I want you more than I can even describe, but I can’t cross that line with you, Adam. You’re important, and I fuck everything up. No one has ever stayed longer than a few weeks. No one. My brother lives with me because neither one of us have much choice in the matter—and he’s just biding his time before he gets to dump this fucking house on me and take off god only knows where.”
“Nik,” Adam said again, his throat tight. “I want…”
But his words were cut off this time as a massive glass was set in front of him, the whipped cream piled high, chocolate sauce dripping down the sides. “Here we go. Doesn’t that look amazing?”
“Thank you, yes. Good,” Adam managed to get out.
The server gave him a look. “Two spoons?”
“I…whatever. Yes.”
The guy dropped the spoons off and walked away, and Nik let out a tense laugh. “He’s absolutely going to spit in our food.”
“I’m a young, gay man who’s had plenty of casual sex,” Adam murmured. “Spit is probably the tamest thing I’ve ever had in my mouth.”
Nik, who had been taking a drink, choked a little. “Wow, okay.”
“Sorry,” Adam breathed out with a sigh. He dug his spoon into the frothy cream, but it wasn’t as satisfying as it should have been. He remembered his mother taking him for shakes on his worst