I…Van. I need to find him. I fucked up.”
“Yanik.” The sound of his full name in his brother’s voice settled him. “Go back to your hotel.”
“You don’t understand…” he started.
“Yes, I do. I understand. Just go back to your hotel, and we can handle this.”
Nik pushed fingers into his hair and tugged. “How? I can’t go back without him—without something. I can’t finish this without him.”
And maybe Adam wouldn’t come home, but that was okay. At least there would be a period on the end of the sentence that was their love affair, not the ellipses leaving him hanging. He couldn’t do this anymore. He had to know.
“I understand that,” Van told him quietly. “Go back to the hotel, and I’ll track down someone—anyone—and find him. But if he’s not there, Nik, then you need to accept that it’s over and come home.”
Nik took in a breath, then nodded to himself. “Okay. I… thank you, Van.”
“I love you.” The words came out easier than Van had ever said them, though Nik could count on one hand how many times the brothers had exchanged the sentiment, even if they’d known it.
And god, maybe that was one of the reasons love had terrified him so completely. “I love you too.”
It was a start.
He let Van hang up, then called for a car, and tried not to hold his breath until his brother got back to him.
It was no surprise at all that Nik couldn’t sleep as it neared midnight. Van was looking, and he’d managed to find Stella’s social media, but as of yet, his message was unread, and Jay still wasn’t answering anyone’s calls.
Downtown was yet another place where people just never slept, and he felt a bit reckless and careless as he threw on a sweater and took to the streets.
His hotel was near a strip of popular bars, and as much as he wanted to lose himself in a drink, he found comfort in navigating crowds as they carefully side-stepped his cane and gave him wide berth. There was music playing somewhere far off—the whine of an electric guitar with shitty amps, the typical downtown noise, but he was drawn to it.
The sound was enough to burrow under his skin, and he wanted to lose himself in the hope and pain of his current limbo. He kept to the buildings as he made his way, and as he got closer, the sound grew louder. He didn’t know the song, but for some reason, he knew the rhythm of the player.
His hand darted out, and he grabbed the first person walking by. “Sorry. Sorry, I’m blind and lost. The guitar, is that coming from a bar?”
It was a gruff-sounding man who tugged himself away from Nik, but didn’t seem angry. “Right ahead of us. Want a hand inside?”
“Yes. I’m a tourist, so I’m a little unfamiliar with the place,” Nik told him—not a total lie. Not anymore.
The guy let Nik take his arm, and he was brought into a small room—the sounds bouncing off the walls telling him it was small, but not very crowded. The air was stale, in spite of the AC blowing far too cold for the season, and the bar under his hand when the man got him there was sticky.
“Thanks,” Nik said. The guitar had quieted, but there was movement to the left of him, and then it started again.
The opening notes were little more than a whine with some melodic undertones, and he turned his ear toward the stage, waving off the bartender who came to ask him for a drink order. His hands began to sweat when the song started to take shape.
It began with a burst, hope—big and bright. It wound around him in notes so familiar, he felt something like anguish and anger forming into one emotion, overwhelming him. As the song cascaded into fear and confusion, his feet were moving before he could stop them. His cane smacked into chairs and people, and he ignored their cries as he followed the music—like the song of a siren to uncertain death.
It didn’t end the way his did, though. It filtered into something sad and soft—a resignation to the finish, and it just wasn’t right. It didn’t belong. It wasn’t for them.
“How do you know this song?” he demanded over the last falling notes.
Silence fell, then the squeaking of two chairs and hushed whispers.
Nik gripped his cane tighter. “Tell me how the fuck you know my song that hasn’t been released yet?”
“Because