but Nicolas scoffed.
“This won’t be ready for a holiday performance in the shape it’s in,” he said as gently as Nicolas ever said anything. “You’re close, but not close enough. You haven’t found what you’re looking for.”
Nik was frustrated and tired, but he didn’t want to lose what little fight he had left in him. They’d been at it for months. The summer had passed right into fall, and he was lonelier than ever. His brother was gone, and Ben had seemed to settle into something with Alessio and Rémy that took the edge off the way he had pined for Cedric. Everyone had moved on with the seasons except him.
It was into October though, and Nik knew that the composer was right. He was really no closer to finishing his piece than he was when he first arrived, and there was no hope for a winter debut.
“I feel like you wasted your time on me.”
“Self-pity is not attractive,” Nicolas told him, not pulling punches. “It’s also not worthy of being acknowledged in my studio. We’ve made strides with Cedric’s opera…”
“Rock Opera,” Cedric corrected, Nik knew, just to get under his husband’s skin.
“Vas-t’en,” Nicolas grumbled, and Cedric surprised Nik by taking his hand.
“That, my love, is a brilliant idea. Nik, let’s get your cane and go for a walk.”
“You are not taking him for a walk like he’s some kind of house pet,” Nicolas growled, but Cedric merely laughed at him.
“Not a house pet, darling. A friend who you are working to exhaustion. You go find something to do. Knit, cross-stitch, have a wank. I don’t care. We’ll be gone a while.”
Nik didn’t have it in him to argue with either Nicolas or Cedric. Instead, he let his new friend take him by the arm and lead them down to the streets.
“I love him with my whole heart, but he’s such an asshole sometimes. You should have seen what he was like when Ben first got here.”
Nik laughed as they made their way down the street, only able to imagine how put-off Nicolas must have been. He was possessive and greedy with Cedric—his body, his attention, his time. He didn’t hold back with his demands, and most of the time, Cedric indulged him.
Now, however, was not one of those moments. They walked down the street together, Cedric leading the way with his own cane more of a suggestion than a true guide the way Nik’s was. He knew the city by heart, and he had some usable vision still, though Cedric had confessed a few weeks after Nik got there that eventually he’d lose it all.
He didn’t seem bothered though, and Nik felt an odd sense of kinship with him—which he appreciated. He’d been isolated from blind peers, shoved into the mainstream school with an aid, and stuck out like a sore thumb. It was a small comfort having someone with him that understood what he needed before he had to ask.
They found a small café not far from the flat and took seats outside to order their coffees.
“I know what the problem is. And I think you know what the problem is,” Cedric said once they’d been served, and Nik bowed his head. “Have you tried talking to him?”
“Right after he left,” Nik confessed miserably. “He changed his number. He made it very clear he didn’t want to see me again.” Nik paused, took a sip of the espresso, and let himself feel the grief. “He knew I’d change my mind and stay.”
“And he thought you would have hated him for it,” Cedric said.
Nik ran his tongue over his bottom lip. “I might have.” The honesty came a little too easy for him, and he rubbed a hand down his face. “I resented my dying parents for dragging me back, I resented my brother from holding guilt over my head if I didn’t put everyone else in front of my career—even if my career was barely hanging on.”
“I get that.” Cedric set his cup down with a small clink. “Believe me, I get that. I don’t know how much you know about me…”
“A little,” Nik confessed, a bit embarrassed about how much of a fan he truly was.
“It’s fine,” Cedric told him. “My father—he was a bitter, angry man. A homophobic gay man who hated himself as much as he hated me.”
“I’m sorry,” Nik breathed.
Cedric let out a small scoff. “It’s fine. I mean, it isn’t. He was cruel, and he tried to beat me into submission. Literally. He