and I don’t want to make it seem like my personal hang-ups are anything to do with this situation. They’re trying. I just don’t always make things easy.”
Nik turned to him. “My choice isn’t like Rémy’s either.”
“Adam,” Ben said, and Nik was unprepared for the pain he felt at the sound of his name, but he nodded anyway. “I got the feeling. It didn’t seem like hearts and flowers when we showed up that morning.”
Nik swallowed heavily and breathed out through his nose to try and calm the way his heart started racing. “Things weren’t great between us. I thought we were patching our relationship up, but after you left…”
“He left?” Ben said, and there was something in his tone that told Nik he understood. “I know the feeling. I mean, Alessio and Rémy came after. Well…actually, Cedric came after my husband left me,” he clarified after a moment. “Cedric showed up like two weeks later for his dad’s funeral and…” Ben didn’t finish his sentence for a long time, and just before Nik thought he was done, he finished in a whisper. “He reminded me of what I gave up when I let him go.”
Nik’s brows lifted. “You and Cedric?”
Ben let out a small laugh. “Yes. Years and years ago—when we were kids. He had just gotten this operation—corneal transplants. He could see for the first time ever, and he was getting away from his parents who…” he trailed off with an angry grunt. “I loved him, but he needed more than our shitty little town could offer, so I let him go. Then he found Nicolas, and I am trying to be happy for him, but it’s not easy.”
Nik absorbed all that—tried to think of what it would be like, years down the road, to work with Adam and the man he was head over heels in love with. The thought made him feel like someone was ripping his heart and lungs from his chest, and he ran the heel of his palm down his sternum.
“Yeah, it’s like that,” Ben said with a laugh. “Alessio and Rémy are kind. More than kind.” And there was a weight to those words too, that Nik realized was very private. “I think it’ll pass eventually, but it’s hard.”
“What do you do for them? Why did they ask you to move to Rome?” Nik couldn’t help but ask.
“I’m a choreographer,” Ben said. “It’s hard to feel worthy of how much they want me to work with them. I’d blame Cedric, but Alessio found me first, and Cedric didn’t know. No one did.”
“Do you want to turn it down? Even after being there?” Nik asked.
Ben blew out a puff of air, then sighed. “No. Sometimes,” he amended. “Just…sometimes the right choice is the harder one.”
Nik let that sink in as the car pulled up, and he climbed inside. As his belt buckled, he knew there was no going back. He just wished there was a way to take Adam forward.
Chapter 27
Sostenuto
It was strange, how easy it was to just walk away—how simple it was to light the match and ignite the one good thing about his life. And maybe, if Adam didn’t know that Nik would be getting everything he deserved to have, everything he’d worked for, he would have thought twice. He might have slept on it, he might have given himself more than a lingering kiss goodbye before he walked out the door and made sure Nik couldn’t change his mind.
But he knew this was for the best. He understood then, profoundly and painfully, what Van meant when he sat across from Adam in that booth and laid it all out there. He’d warned Adam the time would come—and maybe it was a dick move that he didn’t tell Adam he had been the one to set the pieces in motion, but it didn’t matter. In the end.
What was done was done. Adam could feel the excitement and fear and elation pouring off Nik when the gorgeous Italian told Nik that they wanted him. And Nik—god, he’d fit right in. He looked like he already belonged there, with those men in Rome. He was elegant like them, poised and well-spoken and so smart it made Adam’s head spin.
There would come a time he’d fire up his web browser to the news or see some viral video on his timeline—and it would be Nik. It would be Nik seated at his piano, or maybe standing in front of an entire symphony, conducting.