for him, even if he had no appetite.
“I’m not hungry,” he told her, taking another drink of his beer.
She leaned against the counter and lifted a brow at him. “Is this like a hunger strike thing or what?”
“It’s more of a, I’m having a slight midlife crisis and my stomach hurts from anxiety sort of thing,” he corrected.
Her face fell, and she set her glass down, beckoning him over. They’d never been the sort of twins who could read minds or even gestures. He never knew how she was feeling, and he was pretty sure if she died halfway across the world, he’d have no idea until the police called him. But they were the sort of twins that her hugs were like no one else’s. She had been the first hand he held, the first body to comfort his. And it left an impression on him that, after all this time, hadn’t faded.
He let her arm wrap around his waist, and his head fell onto her shoulder. “Spill,” she instructed, dragging her fingernails along his exposed shoulder.
“I met someone.”
“Piano guy,” she said, and he sighed.
“I thought I’d be cool with just being friends—I was cool. But then he just…we kissed,” Adam said and breathed out heavily, his whole body sagging with it. “Then he took off and just left me there.”
“Want me to kick his ass?” she offered.
Adam laughed. “No. He apologized. He said he can’t risk our friendship, because if we get together then broke up, that’s it. There’s no coming back from that.”
“Not always,” Stella said, but before Adam could argue, she went on. “But statistically true.”
Adam closed his eyes and just let himself feel the warmth from her arm. He knew he was lucky to have this—this kind of affection and sweetness from family, even if he’d been starved for it for a while. Since his mother moved away, since Stella went into the world to make her own life. But it was always there, waiting for him.
“I feel like a failure. I never did anything with my life, no one wants to be with me. Music got me nowhere, and I’m not going to survive on this shitty piercer’s salary for long.”
“Do you need money?” she asked.
Adam huffed. “I need a fucking plan. I could go back to school and do something, but everything feels like…”
“A concession?” she offered.
Adam groaned. “You went to law school.”
“And look where that got me,” she pointed out, waving her hand around in a circle. “A shit job with a deployed husband and confused child. I didn’t think my life was going to be like this.”
He nodded, but he didn’t agree. Stella was sharp, witty, and determined. She was a lot of things he wasn’t—that he’d never be. He didn’t have the energy to explain to her that she had opportunities beyond him, because she never had to come out, never had to explain herself, never had to hold her breath and wait for someone to decide if she was human enough to be worthy.
It wasn’t really about that, though. He was just feeling…lost.
“I wish I had more of a plan in mind when I left home,” he told her.
“Are you saying mom was right?” she teased, and he pinched her side.
“Not even on my death bed. I just…wish I had more passion.” He pulled away from her, then hopped up on the counter and leaned over for the beer he’d set aside. “Part of me wonders if it’s less that he’s afraid of losing me and more knowing that I don’t have any drive to be more than I am.”
Stella hummed, then turned and laid her hand on his knee, squeezing tightly. “Do you want to have drive to be more than this? Or do you just want to find someone who loves this version of you as you are?”
“I don’t know,” he told her, and as painful as that was, it was the harsh truth.
Chapter 12
Marcatissimo
Nik hated the separation between him and Adam, but he knew it was necessary. Not just for his own mental health, but he’d dropped a huge bomb on Adam, and he wanted to give him time to really think about it when Nik wasn’t there, leaning into his space and holding him close.
Something quiet and powerful was speaking in the back of his head, telling him if he didn’t make a move, he’d regret it. But he was terrified. He wanted to believe in himself—believe he was worth fighting for, that Adam was