salvage. “You’re a good guy—a nice guy. An actually nice guy,” he amended, and Jay laughed. “Friends in my life are kind of an endangered species.”
Jay made a soft noise, and he stroked his thumb over Nik’s wrist. “Is that the real reason you wouldn’t consider dating me?”
“Apart from the fact that I don’t go after straight men?” Nik said and felt himself smile for the first time since he’d run from Adam. “Yes. I can’t afford to lose the people I care about—not on a gamble.”
“So, you kissed him, and it was good,” Jay said, and Nik nodded in spite of how much admitting it hurt. “Then you ran and just left him sitting there?”
Nik groaned, dropping his face into his hands, and he pressed his fingers into his eyelids until they hurt. “He’s never going to forgive me.”
“He might,” Jay said. “I saw him—and the poor guy is fucking miserable, dude. Like someone gathered up all his childhood pets and kicked them.”
Nik winced and rolled his head to the side to face his friend, leaning his cheek on his palm. His elbow dug into the top of his thigh, but the slight pain grounded him, kept him present. “How do I get him to forgive me? I mean, what if he won’t settle for friends?”
Jay let out a small sigh. “I want to tell you that you’re worth forgiving—because I believe you are. But the thing with Adam’s new, right? And he might not be the kind of person who can settle for less than what he wants.”
Nik wasn’t sure that was true. Adam was too like him—their past pain and loneliness too similar to assume that. And yet, just like him, Adam was also used to being alone, and Nik had been ready to accept this was it. So why wouldn’t Adam?
“This sucks.”
Jay burst out with a hearty laugh and clapped him on the shoulder. “Yes, my friend, it fucking sucks. But you need to talk to him.”
“I don’t know how,” Nik admitted.
Jay snorted and elbowed him gently. “Go with I’m sorry. That’s usually a good start. If you’re really not sure, send a text.”
“Isn’t that taking the easy way out?” Nik challenged.
Jay sighed. “There’s no easy way out here, bro. You fucked up, and you want to make it better, right?”
For someone whose love-life was constantly a mess, Nik was impressed with how level-headed Jay was. And maybe that was why he could walk away from Cassie. Maybe that was why he was willing to settle for nothing over something. Nik didn’t think he’d ever be capable of it, but at the very least, he could try.
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll give it a shot.”
“Good. But not now,” Jay told him and grabbed his hand again. “Cassie and I just broke it off for good, and I need sadness burritos.”
“And you want me to be part of this?” Nik asked but let Jay drag him to his feet.
“Yes,” his friend said and wrapped an arm around his waist. “My house, sadness burritos, John Hughes marathon.”
Part of Nik wanted to wallow a bit more, but part of him knew this wasn’t just about Jay—and maybe it was time to step out of his little box and try something new.
Nik supposed one of the benefits to blindness was having an excuse not to show up random places. He didn’t have the opportunity to just accidentally cruise past the mall on his way to pick up dinner. But the downside was that if he was going to show up there, it would be for a reason.
Visiting with Mitchell was a good reason, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to face Adam just yet. He had sent the text, half-buzzed on Jay’s artisan ale and stuffed full of burrito filling, and Adam had replied, but not in the way Nik was hoping.
Adam: I’m not doing any of this over text. If you have something to say, you know where to find me.
Painful, but true. Nik pocketed his phone after that and didn’t respond, because he didn’t know what to say. He’d eventually suck it up, behave like the adult he was, and face the music, but he was letting himself wallow. The concert had passed, the terrible reviews posted, and the school year was creeping toward the end.
The students were always more restless as they neared summer, and the only concert they had left was the fifth-grade promotion performance. There was no one left to impress, no real motivation to