bit his lip. “He said he didn’t want to work for a school that would throw Nik out like that. I mean, it is dangerous for him.”
“I know,” Jay said with a breath. “He needs out of this place.”
The ebb and flow of strangers that came to mean something to him was more painful than he expected it to be. Seth probably wouldn’t go far, but Adam would miss him. “I hope it works out.”
“Yeah,” Jay said, but oddly, he didn’t sound like he believed it. After a beat, and before Adam could ask, Jay finally confessed why they were really out there. “Van dropped by before they took off too. I don’t think Nik realized he was doing it. He wanted to give you something, but he didn’t think you’d appreciate seeing him.”
In truth, Adam didn’t know if that was wrong or right. He stood by his decision, no matter the pain, and he did understand why Van had done what he’d done. “What is it?”
Jay dug back into his bag and pulled out a CD with two permanent marker slashes across the top. “He said this was for you. He said Nik mentioned something about you owning a CD player?”
Adam took it and laughed. “He’s ridiculous.”
Jay grinned at him. “That’s why we love…” He stopped and looked away. “Fuck. Sorry.”
Even as his eyes watered, Adam waved him off and got control of himself before he spoke again. “It’s fine. I…thanks. Thank you.” He had a feeling he knew what it was, but he wasn’t sure he was brave enough to actually listen to it. All the same, he tucked it into the inside pocket of his jacket and pressed it against his heart. Right where it belonged.
Another three weeks passed before Adam was brave enough to take the CD out of the case. It had sat on his nightstand, and he stared at it every morning before getting up and going about his life like anything mattered.
Spring started to bleed into summer, cool mornings into hot afternoons and humid nights. Fall was just around the corner after that. Then his lease would be up, and he had some savings, and there was a choice he’d have to make.
It was a Tuesday morning when he woke from a dream so vivid, it took him several moments to realize the other side of his bed was not warm and wouldn’t be. But he’d been touching Nik—nothing more, nothing less. Just lying there, basking in the afternoon sun, running fingers over his face and feeling Nik’s skin heat under the pads of his fingers.
It was an echo of what was and what wouldn’t be ever again.
His heart no longer felt like it was bleeding out, though, when his eyes opened to remind him he was alone. He turned onto his side, laying his palm flat in the empty space between him and the wall, and tried to remember what it was like when Nik was there. The images were fading. The lingering scents of him had all gone. There was just memory now.
He didn’t notice the CD though—not right away. But Nik had been on his mind through his entire shift, and when he dragged his tired body through the door, it caught his eye. It was sitting there, an unobtrusive, small link to what he’d lost, and suddenly he knew he was ready.
His hands shook a bit as he pulled it from the packaging, and he set it down inside the little player. The number popped up when he closed the lid, and at the sight of the single digit, he knew what it was. He almost didn’t press play, but he owed this to himself—to Nik.
The sound wasn’t professional. It was obvious Van had recorded this in the corner of the practice room before everything was packed up. He heard Nik cough, he heard the first few notes start, falter, and stop. He heard the familiar shuffle of his papers, and then it started again.
This time, it went on. This time, the notes poured out of the speakers, and for a second—just an endless stretch of moment—Adam was back there with him. He was seated on the chair under the window and his eyes were closed, and Nik was just a few feet away, bleeding his soul onto the piano keys.
He didn’t realize he was crying right away. He didn’t realize what he needed until he felt drops of wet on the back of his hand. He sniffed, then