politely. ‘I’m Finnish.’
Finnish. Oh my god. The words. I’d completely forgotten.
Shit.
‘I … I … Could you translate something for me?’ My hands were now flat on the desk as I leaned towards her anxiously. What were they? I couldn’t remember the stupid words!
Shit.
‘Of course.’ She smiled. ‘What is it?’
Shit, shit, shit.
Think. Think, Sabine. What were they?
‘Um … um … Ukso, no uskon! Uskon is the first word and there’s one more. Argh, I can’t remember, something like sins, or …’ I fisted my hand.
The receptionist smiled. ‘Uskon sinua?’ she suggested. ‘Yes! That’s it. What does it mean?’ I was close to bursting. I saw Dex approaching the glass doors with our bags. I turned back to the woman urgently. ‘Please!’
She started to laugh at me. ‘It means – I believe you.’
Dex had me by the hand. We were walking down a hallway. Stopping at a door. How did we get there?
Had I lost time?
I couldn’t think of anything but uskon sinua, uskon sinua, uskon sinua, uskon sinua.
Ethan.
Believed.
Me.
Crazy, locked up, self-harming, Digoxin swallowing, mood disorder, two lives me.
We were inside a room. Crisp white linen, flowers, fruit bowl. Views over the city lights.
Ethan believed me.
A glass of Champagne was suddenly in my hand. I was sipping it and must have looked confused.
‘I brought it with me,’ Dex said, standing right in front of me. ‘I wanted tonight to be perfect.’ He was holding a glass too, a sip’s worth in the bottom.
How could tonight get any more perfect?
Ethan believed me.
‘This is amazing, you should check out the bathroom. There’s a spa,’ he said, coming back from his inspection of the room and sliding his arm around my waist.
My hand holding the Champagne flute was shaking. What was going on? Why couldn’t I get a grip?
I swallowed nervously and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.
Dex ran his hands down my back, settling them low. Too low, a voice buried deep inside me screamed. I downed my glass of Champagne and held still.
‘I’ve been waiting so long to see you, Sabine. Please tell me I can take that dress off?’
Shit.
I grappled for some kind of sanity. I had to regain control of the life Ethan had just detonated with the three most explosive words ever. He’d done the one thing he’d always tried to convince me could happen. He’d made my worlds cross over. And now … I was here, he was there and everything had changed.
Forever.
Dex, however, wasn’t waiting for permission and had already begun to unzip my dress, moving me towards the massive bed. I was on my back before I knew it and his hands … were everywhere.
I had to clear my mind. Find words. I should have been thinking only of Dex, but I couldn’t. It didn’t matter what I thought I should do, something in my mind – no, in my heart – wasn’t going to let me.
‘Dex,’ I said nervously.
‘Hmm,’ he replied, not stopping.
‘Dex, I … I can’t.’
He just moaned.
Shit.
‘Dex, stop,’ I said, lifting the volume.
He pulled his head up from my neck and looked at me, confused.
‘What?’
‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but I … I just can’t.’
His eyes narrowed, but he recovered quickly. ‘Sabine, we’ve been planning this for ages. I’ve never put pressure on you, because I knew we would get here eventually, but …’
I spoke quickly. ‘I know, Dex. You’re amazing and kind and good and I’m so lucky to have been your girlfriend, but you deserve more than I can give you. You deserve someone who will make you really happy –’
He cut me off, sitting up. ‘Oh, whoa! Wait! This isn’t just about tonight, is it? You’re breaking up with me?’
I scrambled to sit up against the headboard. ‘Dex … I’m so sorry,’ I whimpered.
He jumped off the bed, glaring at me. ‘You’re seeing someone else, aren’t you?’ he yelled, jabbing his finger at me.
I didn’t respond. I honestly didn’t know what the right answer to that question was.
He scoffed, ‘Oh, you bitch! You’ve been stringing me along. Teasing me!’
I shook my head urgently. ‘No, it’s not like that at all. I thought … I really wanted this to work with us. I swear. It’s complicated.’
Dex ran his hands through his hair desperately. ‘Fuck.’ And then, frenzied, he grabbed his bag and the bottle of Champagne and stormed out of the room.
Once the trembling settled down I checked the time.
11.30 p.m.
I hoped Dex was okay. I considered going after him, but figured he wouldn’t want to see me