I don’t know why it vexed me, but it did.
Dr Levi turned back to me. ‘Right, well, I have rounds to make. We’ll meet every day at 10 a.m., starting today. The nurse will bring you to my office. Do you have any questions?’
I pressed my lips together to stop from crying. When I had myself under control I ventured, ‘My parents said they brought some stuff?’
He pointed to the small bag on the floor. ‘These items have been approved, along with the clothes you were wearing when they brought you in. They’ve been washed and placed in your cupboard.’
I swallowed. ‘Is there a bathroom?’
‘Yes, but you will be escorted there for now. You’ve been allocated a day nurse who will assist you.’
He saw the tears welling in my eyes and sighed. ‘Sabine, it will get easier. Things seem at their worst right now, but we are going to help you find the clarity you need.’
Clarity? Right. By sedating me, tying me up and not letting me go to the bathroom on my own? Things really couldn’t be clearer.
Instead of arguing, I turned my head towards the wall. He’d never get it, and I had no intention of trying to explain anything to him.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Roxbury, Monday
I didn’t walk into Dr Levi’s office expecting reclining armchairs and mahogany bookshelves, but I definitely hadn’t envisaged a white-walled room – empty apart from two cheap-looking cane chairs, two cardboard boxes positioned as footstools and a large dartboard hanging on the far wall.
My day nurse, who’d collected me from my prison cell, was the same woman who’d come to my house the previous day. She was still wearing too much blush and was smaller than I remembered. Perhaps holding a syringe added height. She ushered me into Dr Levi’s office, holding the door open for me.
‘The doctor will be here in a moment. I’ll be outside when your appointment is over to take you back to your room,’ she explained.
I gave her a look that wasn’t pretty. She ignored it and shut me in the room. I didn’t bother checking the door after she left – I knew it would either be locked, or she’d be waiting on the other side. Instead, I pulled one of the rickety cane chairs to the window and took a seat facing into the sun. It was a strategic move. I wasn’t about to sit facing Dr Levi so he could control the appointment, or me. I had attitude in this life and I’d been forgetting that. I needed to remember who I was here. With that in mind, I leaned back, slung my feet up onto the windowsill and closed my eyes.
The sun’s heat was just starting to seep into my bones when the door opened and Dr Levi walked in. I didn’t so much as flinch, just kept my face towards the window.
‘I see you found my office,’ he said, moving through the room.
I shrugged, but otherwise held position. ‘Budget cuts, huh?’
He gave a small laugh. ‘I just like it this way. Keeps the focus on the right things.’
‘What’s that? Room echo?’
‘Not exactly.’ I heard the other chair creak as he sat down. ‘What do you think should be the focus in this room?’
Here we go.
I decided this was as good a cut-off point as any. I folded my arms across my chest.
After a stretch of silence, Dr Levi sighed. ‘All right then, Sabine. I take it you’re not in the mood to chat today.’
It was something he was going to have to get used to.
‘Would you like to tell me about your other life, Sabine? I’d like to hear about it. Anything you say in this room will remain between us.’
Yeah, right. I could just see it all panning out, where it would end. Me tied to the bed again. Not going to happen.
I had to give Dr Levi credit – he didn’t seem surprised. I heard him get out of his cane chair and then a whooshing sound followed by a thud. I forced myself not to look. Was he seriously going to play darts for the whole hour?
Yep. That’s exactly what he did.
And for my part, I stayed in place by the window. It wasn’t until the whizzing sounds stopped that I cracked open an eye to glance in his direction.
‘Perhaps tomorrow we can talk,’ he said, throwing the loose darts onto his chair. He smiled. ‘Or maybe you’d like to try your luck against me at darts.’
When I didn’t respond, he shrugged.