Ever since I’d met Ethan, my worlds had been spiralling out of control. Maybe he was the problem – the part that didn’t fit. Maybe getting away from him was the key.
I wiped away the tears and forced myself to stop crying. Today was not the day for puffy eyes. But of course sleep was out of the question, so I slipped downstairs, microwaved a pot of wax, sliced up a cucumber and carried it all back to my room. After a thorough leg waxing, I placed the cucumbers on my eyes and did everything I possibly could, including singing my school anthem, to stop thinking about Ethan.
I had a plan. A good plan. He didn’t know what my lives had been like. He didn’t know what it was like when I was seven and woke up after wetting the bed, going into a fit of terrified shock at what my father would say when he discovered the mess. What it was like to feel that kind of intense childish fear only to be pulled from it and thrust into another reality for the next twenty-four hours, knowing all the time that you would be thrown back into that same state of terror at the end. He didn’t know what it was like to be constantly thinking about what I was saying, double-checking I wasn’t giving anything away, living in fear that eventually someone would catch me out, call me insane. And he didn’t know what it was like to never truly belong – to have two lives that were so taxing they left you with no idea of who you really were. The truth was, I was no one at all. You can’t explain that to someone.
When the sun came up, Mom wasted no time floating into my room, cradling a divine emerald-green, knee-length wrap dress.
‘I saved this one for last,’ she said, holding it out to me proudly. ‘I ordered it online ages ago and when it arrived I knew it would look stunning!’ Mom had a slight online-shopping addiction. So far, it had been working out pretty well for me.
I smiled brightly, admiring the dress.
‘You look different, you know,’ Mom said.
I looked up at her self-consciously. ‘What do you mean?’
She gave me her proud mom smile. ‘Grown up, ready to take on the world. I don’t know really. It’s almost as if you’ve just woken up with it this morning. You look … beautiful.’ She swept a hand down my hair and I threw myself at her, hugging her tight.
‘Love you, Mom.’
‘I love you too, Sabine. Are you okay?’
‘Yeah, just … all this growing up stuff is hard sometimes.’
Mom sighed. ‘This wouldn’t have anything to do with Dex and tonight, would it?’
I gulped. ‘No. I … Mom, can we not talk about that?’
She laughed lightly. ‘We don’t have to talk about it. You’re a sensible girl. I trust you’ll be responsible in your judgment. If things feel right for you, then they probably are. But if they don’t, I know you’ll listen to that too.’ She pushed me gently away from her, staring at me proudly. ‘Get dressed. Remember, you promised to help Lucy set up. We’ll see you there, in the front row. Your father, Lucas and Lyndal will be there too.’ She eyed the dress. ‘I can’t wait to see how it looks.’ She headed out, but I stayed where I was. I knew she wouldn’t be able to resist.
Sure enough, she paused at the door. ‘Ah, honey. Hair up with that one I think.’
At least some things would always remain the same.
The day flew. When I arrived at the hall, Lucy was already in full meltdown mode. After calming her down we ran around for the next few hours, setting out chairs, placing programs, and arranging the lecterns, photo area and the tea and coffee stand. By the time we actually lifted our heads from the work, the seats were all filled and the ceremony was about to start.
I couldn’t have been happier. Distraction was the best medicine for me.
We received our graduation scrolls, and endured the long, drawn-out headmaster’s speech and valedictorian speeches – there were two this year, double fun. But it was incredibly satisfying. I’d waited so long for this day, and since I was going to miss it in my other life, I soaked up every moment, laughing with friends, getting my graduation handshake, throwing my hat. Miriam received a special mention for her history results, I received a special