to on that table was Caleb’s. That the phone call Fiona had made to his parents at Hunt Financial actually happened. That I’d really watched his family rush into the emergency room and crumble at the sight of him.
Emily pushed my face further into her neck, still swaying us. “We’ll get through this. We’ll fight our way out of this sadness, and we’ll survive it.”
“How?” I pulled back to see the truth in her eyes. “How can I-I possibly move on, Emily? I l-love him, and he’s not coming ba-back.”
“I don’t know, but we’ll find a way.”
“I never thought anything could hurt as b-bad as losing David, but my God, I was s-so wrong.”
I pushed my hand against my chest. The torture in my heart was too much. I didn’t know how to make it go away. How I could ever take a breath again without thinking of Caleb.
“It’s going to take a long time, Whitney. But I promise, somehow, this will get easier,” Fiona said.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t believe that.”
Emily put her hand on my cheek. “Let’s get you home, okay? I think you’ve had enough hospital for a while.”
I grabbed her arm. “None of my th-things are there. They’re at Ca-Caleb’s.”
I saw the realization pass over her face, the emotion she was now trying to hide so she could be strong for me.
She glanced toward Fiona and said, “The key to Caleb’s place is in Whitney’s bag. I’ll give you the address. Will you go there and grab a few of her things, enough for a day or two? I’ll get the rest of her stuff when I can leave her long enough to go there myself.”
“Of course.” Fiona got off the bed, finding my bag on the table beside us and the keys that were inside. “Just text me his address, and I’ll meet you at your place.” Her hand went to my leg, running her fingers over my knee. “I’ll see you in a few minutes. I love you.”
“Love you,” I groaned.
Once Fiona left, Emily took out her phone and typed something onto the screen before quickly slipping her cell back into her pocket. She then held my face against her chest, gently swinging us. “My Whitney,” she sang, brushing the hair off my cheek.
The only noise in the room was the sound of us moving over the mattress. There was no window to look through, only a fluorescent light overhead, making everything a sickly color. Even Emily’s perfume couldn’t drown out the scent I remembered coming off of Caleb’s skin.
“I can’t stop seeing it,” I told her. “Smelling that sour scent. Hearing the stillness in his chest.” I swallowed as another wave of nausea passed. “I keep reliving every moment of walking into that room, where he was lying on the table.”
“It will dim over time.”
She was wrong. Those images were forever. The same way I could recall what David had looked like when his light-blue lips fluttered, spit stringing between them as he took his last breath. And all of the patients who had coded on me, who I had tried to revive over the years.
They were permanently etched in my brain.
And today would be too.
“Emily …”
“I’m right here.”
I closed my eyes, feeling the emotion crowd my chest. “Do you remember when you came into the shower the morning of the marathon and you told me the hospital was calling?”
She caressed the back of my hair. “Of course.”
“You gave me all this shit about it being my first day off all week and how we’d made these plans to go to the bar and then go out and watch the race. How I shouldn’t answer the phone because we knew my supervisor was calling to ask me to come into work.”
“God, that seems like it was yesterday.”
“I wish I hadn’t listened to you.” I pulled away, staring into her eyes. “I wish I had answered the phone and gone in.” A wail burst through my lips, clawing at me, like a tiger ripping across flesh. “Then, I wouldn’t have met Caleb, and he would still be alive right now.”
Part Three
They say everything happens for a reason.
What if it doesn’t?
Epilogue
Emily
“Can you please lift your seat? We’re getting ready to land,” the flight attendant said as she stood next to me.
I pressed the button on my armrest, the chair lifting several inches until my back was fully straight. I watched her move down the next few rows, checking each one before reaching the