I was going to come from. The second our eyes connected, she started bolting toward me.
“Oh, honey,” she cried, throwing her arms around my neck, her palm clenching the back of my head, squeezing me with a strength I didn’t know she had.
I gripped her shoulders, pushing her back so I could see her face. “What’s wrong?”
There was wetness around her eyes, streaks down her cheeks, and my throat was getting narrower as she took her time to respond.
“Whitney, I don’t even know how to say this …” She shook her head, her fingers finding mine. “Come on.” She pulled me down the rest of the hallway and around the main station.
My heart was beating so fast as we left the section of open rooms that were separated by long curtains and arrived at the private area.
“Sweetheart,” she said, stopping in front of a closed door. “I … oh God.” She was holding her chest with her other hand, her eyes filling.
“Fiona, what’s going on?” The back of my throat was burning, where the anxiety was beginning to thicken.
She wiped her face, covering her mouth for a moment before she said, “He was coding when he came in. We worked on him for over thirty minutes. We couldn’t get a pulse … we …” She swallowed, the tears now falling past her lips. “Dr. Montgomery tried everything.” She shook her head again, more wetness streaming down her face.
“You’re not making any sense.” I wanted to hug her into my arms, but I couldn’t. Not while I was trying to process what she was saying and ignore all the other chaos happening around us. “What are you trying to tell me?”
She reached for the knob on the door, holding it. “Whitney, it’s Caleb.”
My heart stopped, and a wave of nausea passed through me, trembling starting in my core. “What?”
“He was brought in by ambulance and—”
I put my hand on top of hers, forcing the handle to turn, and kicked the wooden door to make it open faster.
It took a few seconds before I could register what I was looking at.
When it hit me, I felt like a tourniquet had been tied around my goddamn throat, and there was nothing left in my lungs.
“Nooo!” I screamed, my hands clenching into fists, my feet no longer feeling the ground beneath them.
If Fiona hadn’t been holding me from behind, I would have fallen to my knees.
Air wasn’t moving through my body; sobs clutched me from the inside instead, gripping me like a set of shackles where I could do nothing but shout, “Nooo!”
“I know, honey,” she cried. “I don’t know what to do, what to say. I’m completely broken for you right now.”
Her arms stayed around my waist, taking most of my weight as I pushed myself closer to the table where he was lying, standing at the very edge.
“Fi-o-na,” I sobbed, unable to say more, the wails bursting from my chest, spit covering my lips when they opened to scream again.
“Baby, I know,” she wept.
I found the strength to lift my fingers onto Caleb’s bare arm. Deep gashes marred his skin that was covered in blood. There was the empty line where they had placed the IV, the tape still stuck to his arm hair.
My shoulders dropped, my head falling onto his naked chest. There was a stickiness from where they’d placed the paddles, the pads still present from where they’d monitored his heart.
As I rubbed my cheek over the spot I had held so many times, there was no beat.
No warmth.
Just my skin against his.
“Nooo,” I cried, this time a quiet whisper. “Ca-leb …” I pounded the bed with my hand, like I was trying to shock his heart back into rhythm. “Co-come back to me.”
I watched my fingers crawl up his face. There were bruises under his eyes, deep wounds slashed across his forehead. I cupped his cheek, staring into his closed lids.
There was no ocean blue gazing back at me.
“Ca-leb …” Spit fell from my mouth onto his chest. “Don’t go, my lo-love.” My teeth ground together. A surge of air came through my throat, holding my chest prisoner, as I howled, “Do-don’t leave m-me.”
I pushed myself up and put my knee on the table, extending my other leg over his waist so I could lie next to him. My arm wrapped over his stomach as I cuddled as close as I could get.
I wedged my face into his neck, his woodsy scent long gone.
“I-I love you,” I whispered.
He didn’t