taken for Smith by lifting my arm high in the air.
My legs tingled.
My back fucking throbbed.
My eyes frantically searched for the spot that had ultimately changed my life.
A bright red awning came into view, a color I remembered because it so closely resembled one of the international flags that had been waving at the finish line.
Nothing followed that memory, only blackness.
“There,” I said, pointing to the pavement not far from where we were. “That’s where I think the medics found me.”
The wheels of the chair hugged the edge of the curb as I stared at the ground—a simple, nondescript charcoal gray.
“I can feel the pain in the air,” she said softly.
I felt it each time I inhaled, my ears cracking as the noise of the blast came back to me.
She stood at my side, the warmth of her grip somewhere on me. “What are you thinking about?”
“The sound.” I sensed its claws around my eardrums. “It was like a gunshot but a thousand times louder.” I swallowed, the acid burning all the way to my stomach. “And the fear that consumed me when I woke up in the hospital, not knowing what was wrong with me, the pain immeasurable.”
“You are so incredibly brave. I hope you know that.”
“I’m not … I’m fucking angry.” My jaw tensed, hands slick as I squeezed the vinyl handles. “Do you know how many times I wanted to throw something out of my hospital window, shattering the glass like the bomb had done to my back? Or all the times I had to stop myself from screaming at the top of my lungs because I couldn’t handle another second of agony? Or how I want to wrap my fingers around that motherfucker’s neck and torture him for the hell he’s put me through?”
“Even if their circumstances were different than yours, I haven’t looked after a single patient who hasn’t felt the same. Anger makes you human, Caleb.”
As I glanced toward her, a warmth came over her face.
“And when you can return to a place that’s changed your life in unfathomable ways, that also makes you extremely brave.”
I was just turning my attention back to the road when I heard, “Excuse me,” in the gentlest voice.
Standing next to Whitney was a woman around my age with a young girl who barely stood taller than the woman’s waist.
“I don’t mean to intrude,” she said, “but I have to ask, are you one of the survivors of the bombing?”
Survivor.
A word I couldn’t wrap my head around.
When I didn’t respond, Whitney answered, “Yes, he is.”
“The way you were looking at the street, I had a feeling.” She held the girl’s small hand, pressing it against her pregnant belly. “Their daddy—my husband—he wasn’t one of the lucky ones.” She chewed her lip so hard; I was sure there had to be blood. “My Charlie didn’t survive.”
An ache stabbed my heart, shoving all the way into my throat. “I’m so sorry.”
The little girl wrapped her arms around her mother’s leg, clinging like it was rope.
“He was a cop, on duty at the time.” Tears were in her eyes. “We’ve been coming here every day.” She looked toward the road, her chin quivering, not letting anything fall from her eyes. A pillar of strength for her daughter and the child she had on the way. “I don’t know why; it just makes us feel close to him again.”
“Your daddy is a hero,” I told the young girl with a head full of dark curls, her eyes the deepest blue.
“So are you,” she replied in a tiny, high-pitched voice.
Whitney’s hand found mine, stopping my fingers from shaking.
“Gracie, baby, no—” the mother shouted as the girl released her and ran toward me.
“It’s okay,” I said to the mom as Gracie squeezed in between my legs, leaning up on her toes to throw her little arms around my neck.
“Baby …” the mother cried, watching her daughter hug me as she patted her round stomach. Her tears finally fell, which she quickly wiped away.
I rubbed Gracie’s back, keeping mine as straight as possible, unable to move any more without yelling out in pain, but knowing I needed to be strong for her too. “You’re such a brave girl, you know that?” Her arms tightened around me. “Your dad would be so proud of you for being here.”
She crawled down and rushed back to her mom.
Thank you, the mother mouthed, hugging her daughter before burying her face in the little girl’s neck.
I nodded, and Whitney began pushing