day off, but I can’t do that every time I want to travel with you.” My voice turned softer. “Even if I want to.”
He held my cheek steady. “Whitney, you can do anything you want. I know you love the family you work with, but you’re exhausted and burned out, and I sense you’ve felt this way for a long time. Why don’t you find what makes you happy?”
“I have to be a nurse.”
“But you don’t have to be one at the hospital.” He was quiet for a few moments. “There are expectations when it comes to my career. I have parents who expect me to take the reins of their business when they retire. You’re not in that predicament; you have options and opportunities everywhere you look.” His hand lowered from my face, moving to my heart, like his fingers were a stethoscope. “What is this telling you?”
“That I’m tired and that I work to live.” My hands left his chest to grip the blanket, squeezing it into my palm. “And that it’s getting harder every day to bring myself there and endure these emotionally draining hours, knowing I’m going to be half-dead when I leave.” I thought of everything I’d given up for my job—the nights out with Emily, the weeklong trips she had wanted to take but I was unable to because I couldn’t manipulate my schedule. “I’ve missed so much.”
“What you do is honorable, but you need to put yourself first. I don’t know if you’ve ever done that.” He traced underneath my eyes, each swish crossing the dark bags that hung there from never getting enough sleep. “Baby, you’ve got to start living.” He loosened my fingers from the blanket and brought them up to his mouth. “Ultimately, you’re the one who has to make the change; no one can do it for you.”
I was sure my best friend would agree with him. My job was a topic we now discussed almost weekly, especially during the moments I was even too tired to eat. She had brought that up when she came over to Caleb’s to cook us dinner a few days ago, which was almost two months after our burger meal because I hadn’t been able to coordinate our schedules with all the overtime I’d taken on.
Since David’s death, change terrified me more than anything, and leaving my job was like jumping straight into the change pool.
I just didn’t know if I could handle that yet.
“Let me think about it,” I replied.
“I would be more than happy to help you get your finances sorted, at least giving you the freedom to work a little less during the interim.”
What Caleb was extremely successful at had never been one of my strengths. Between my student loans and rent along with the overall cost of living in such an expensive city, I was barely getting by. Without my extra hours every week, I wasn’t certain if I’d be able to cover all my bills. I was sure there was something he could do to help fix that even if it meant consolidating my debt.
I knew he wasn’t trying to change me. He was trying to make me a better version of myself.
“When we get back from our trip, that would be really wonderful.”
“I take it that means you’ll be flying out tomorrow and missing a day of work at the end?”
I nodded and grinned.
“Good answer.” He kissed my cheek. “Now, go get the shower warm. I’ll be there in a minute with coffee.”
Before I climbed out, I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him against me, my fingers crawling into the back of his hair to pull him closer. As his arms circled me, I was lost inside Caleb, in the heat of his skin, in the scent that I searched for during the moments we were apart, in every emotion that came through in his touch.
“Thank you … for all the things.”
He tightened his grip. “You never have to thank me for caring about you, Whitney. All I want is for that smile to stay on your lips forever.”
Twenty-Eight
The farthest west I had ever been in the States was Chicago, a last-minute trip Emily and I had booked when we graduated college to attend a Black Eyed Peas concert. Aside from the Gulf of Mexico, the Atlantic was the only ocean I’d ever seen. I’d admired the Pacific in photographs and movies, dreaming about the California beaches and waves large enough to surf. And