a sandwich, dropping some fig jam on the top, and took the first bite.
“I know it’s only lunchtime,” she said, removing a bottle of white wine from the cooler, “but this food is too good to drink with water.”
I smiled. “You don’t have to convince me to day drink.”
She poured some in a cup and handed it to me. I clicked it against hers and took a sip.
“This is really nice, Whitney.”
There was an emotion on her face that I couldn’t read, matching the stiffness I’d felt earlier when I hugged her and heard in her voice when she called from her apartment yesterday evening. Something was bothering my girl; I just didn’t have the talent to read her mind, like she could with me.
“Tell me what’s on your mind,” I said.
She slowly turned toward me, crossing her legs over the wooden panels. “I know you don’t need me as your nurse anymore. You’ve kept me on because of what’s happening between us, and I adore you for that, but it feels like I’m taking advantage of a situation that I care about far too much. I can’t let that happen anymore.”
I brushed the hair out of her face, the painful realization biting at me that our lunches and afternoons together were going to be limited. “I didn’t want to let you go.” My voice lightened when I continued, “And I still don’t.”
Her eyes were filling. If it was over a fear of her finances, I was putting an end to that now.
“I’m also paying you for another month,” and I added, “No exceptions,” when she tried to interrupt. I’d confirmed that with my accountant at the beginning of this week, making sure all of the documentation for that was in place. “And I’m going to continue to pay for your health insurance until you find coverage—I don’t care how long it takes.” My hand went to her face as I saw that she needed the comfort. “I’ll never forget the job you gave up and everything you did to heal me. I’ll be grateful for the rest of my life.” I ran my thumb under her tears, trying to catch each one.
“Caleb,” she said in the softest voice, “thank you, but I can’t accept it.”
“You have no choice.”
She held my stare, the drips rolling even faster until she glanced down to drain her wine.
When her chin started to quiver, I asked, “Whitney, what’s wrong?”
She pulled my hand off her face, holding it between hers, focusing on my fingers. “The more time I’ve spent with you, the more I’ve fallen in love with nursing—now in a whole different way.” She finally looked up, her chest rising and falling so fast. “I’ve listened to every piece of advice you’ve given me, trying to find myself between the cracks, searching for what will make me the happiest. And then something you said just clicked, and it happened.”
I brought my glass up to my mouth, swallowing what was left, my stomach feeling off, the more she spoke.
“Without you, I never would have had the courage to do this.” She shook her head, several drops falling from her chin. “Maybe I’m crazy, but something is forcing me in this direction, pushing me into trying.”
I couldn’t pinpoint what she was referring to; we’d had too many conversations in the past. “Whitney, what are you talking about?”
She took a deep breath and then another. “For the last week, the contract has been sitting on my nightstand, underneath my notebook of the places I want to visit.” Her lips were now trembling. “And whenever I returned home from your condo, I’d lift it into my hands and read it again, waiting for the right time.” She squeezed my fingers. “When you told me you wanted to talk about my schedule, I knew I was ready.”
I tried to find the answer in her eyes. “Ready for what?”
“To be a traveling nurse.”
Traveling.
The word vibrated through my body.
“You’re leaving?”
She nodded, the wetness pooling again. “Six months in Peru and another six in Chile. I’m going to be working in small villages where there’s hardly any health care or supplies and an overabundance of patients who need medical aid.”
Fuck me.
An ache even more painful than my back lodged its way into my chest.
This wasn’t what I wanted, what I’d expected.
I didn’t even know what the hell to say.
“I know,” she said, as though she were reading my mind. “We’re in the middle of something beautiful here, and I’m just up and