but eventually, she moved on. It was a process, but little by little, she started smiling again. They were all fake at first, a mask she used to hide her true devastation, but piece by piece, the real Alexis Lawson had come back to us.
Currently, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with that woman. But for some reason, she was still holding on to him.
I should have been gentle. Brenden was always—and understandably—going to be a sensitive subject for her.
I should have given us both a minute to calm down and talk about this without emotions heating our words.
For fuck’s sake, I should have at least let her close the Goddamn door.
Instead, I swung an arm out, motioning to the belongings of a ghost. “This is not a fucking splinter! This is me sharing your heart with another man when I’ve always given you every single fiber of mine.”
Her eyes flared wide and she immediately started shaking her head. “Hudson, no. That’s not what this is.”
I ignored the overwhelming need to rub the center of my chest and performed the herculean task of lowering my voice. “Then why do I feel like you’ve been hiding this? Why do I feel like this is a lie? Lex, you tell me everything. Just last month, you spent two hours talking to me about cat litter. And in six years, you never thought to tell me about this stuff? If you weren’t strong enough, you know I would have helped you get rid of it.”
Tears filled her eyes as she whispered, “I wasn’t ready to get rid of it.”
“And what about now?”
Her shoulders swayed as if the anxiety was trying to find a way out, and she frantically chewed on her bottom lip.
“Lex,” I pressed.
“Time out,” she breathed.
“No. No time-outs on this one. I need to know what I’m up against here. Are you ready to get rid of it now?”
She turned her gaze back to the storage unit and rocked her jaw from side to side.
As the seconds passed without her answer, a vise cranked down on my chest until I wasn’t sure if I’d ever breathe again.
“Babe,” I whispered, but even to my own ears, it was a plea.
“I don’t know,” she croaked.
Who knew three words could feel like a shot through the heart? The silence that followed was salt to the wound.
“Right,” I mumbled, releasing the top of the door. Without looking at her again, I extended the keys in her direction. “I’m gonna wait in the car.”
She took the keys, her fingers brushing mine, lingering longer than necessary. “Hudson, please.”
Gripping the back of my neck, I stared over the top of her head. “Please what, Lex? Go ahead. Ask me anything. You know I’ll do it. But before you tell me this isn’t a big deal again, I want you to really think about it and be sure. You know the man I am. You know there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. So if you can honestly stand there and say this is not something I should be worried about, then go ahead and ask me to let this go.”
“Hudson,” she begged.
I gave her back my gaze, staring deep into the emerald greens that in one way or another had owned me for the majority of my life, and repeated, “Ask me.”
Her entire face crumbled, and a sob shook her shoulders, but she respected me enough not to lie.
I needed a few minutes to collect my thoughts, so I left her there to lock up. Not even climbing behind the wheel of the Chevelle soothed the bullet ricocheting inside me.
Truth be told, I wasn’t mad at Lex. I was pissed all to hell and back at myself for not having seen this coming. I’d sat on that beach with her when we went to pick up Jack. She’d felt closer to him there. I’d been so damn wrapped up in suddenly having feelings for her that I’d let that little tidbit of information sail right over my head.
I should have been able to read her better.
I should have been there.
I should have asked her if she needed to talk.
She put on a good show, but I’d always known she hated when anyone worried about her. Especially me. She didn’t want to be a burden, but I never could get through to her that loving someone—being there for them—wasn’t a hardship.
It was just that, now, I was worried about us. No, strike that. I was worried about