the way home, Jack was in the car with us. Playing road trip games and singing at the top of our lungs, I was able to act like my tiny world hadn’t been shaken. Still, Hudson sat in the driver’s seat, quiet and stoic as usual, and didn’t say much all the way home.
I wished I could say his indifference and reaction to my silly schoolgirl confession had made my feelings for him disappear by the time he pulled into his drive and I got back into the driver’s seat, but that would have been another lie.
Lex: K
I stared down at my phone, my forehead wrinkled so tight I thought there was a solid chance it would stay that way forever. There were only so many ways I could interpret that one single letter, but over the last week, it had become something of an obsession to try.
Sunday afternoon, when she’d dropped Jack and I off, it had been business as usual.
She’d smiled.
Given my forearm a squeeze.
Forced a kiss on my son.
And then called, “Love you,” out of the window as we wandered up steps to my front door.
I’d mumbled a sad, “You too, Kid,” at the Chevelle as she’d backed out of the driveway.
It was all so incredibly normal that, to an outsider, her little act would be almost believable.
But, as her taillights disappeared, I knew the truth.
Something huge had happened during the trip to the beach. I could feel it in the air swirling around us. But, most of all, I could feel it inside the aching of my chest. One night staring down a whiskey bottle and I’d somehow managed to alienate the woman I’d viewed as a little sister. Only, if I were being honest, I’d never really thought of her like that. She was Cal’s sister…
And one of my best friends.
Then I’d opened my big fucking drunk mouth and told her all about how hot she was.
And because things weren’t nearly complicated enough, she’d liked it.
Whyyyyy had she liked it?
Better yet, why had I fucking done the fantasy ass-grabbing to begin with?
But regardless of the reason, cause and effect were in full force.
Things had been tense over the last week between me and Lex. Monday, she hadn’t spoken to me at all, but I was still too damn weirded out to text her, either. Jack and I ordered pizza, and I sat on the back patio, watching him play in the sprinklers and feeling like I’d made a grave mistake.
Why? I had no idea. It wasn’t like she was never going to speak to me again. But guilt was a far easier emotion to digest than why I was suddenly having feelings for Lex.
On Tuesday, I’d sent her a montage of funny cat videos. It had taken me hours to pick out just the right one to send and I wasn’t proud of my time management that day, but it did temporarily take the edge off when she replied with a simple, Aw.
Good news: She didn’t hate me.
Bad news: Things were still totally off the rails between us and I had no fucking idea how to fix it.
I wanted to believe she had been right and we were both hard up, sad, and desperate. And in my case, drunk. See, this was why I stuck with beer. Bad shit happened when I became the irresponsible one.
But, once again, that didn’t explain why she’d liked it.
A simple, “Ew, don’t be gross!” would have sufficed. I’d have apologized. She’d have accepted and we would have lived un-awkwardly ever after. As friends. Best friends. Nothing more.
Though that wouldn’t have changed the fact that I had found myself utterly unable to stop thinking about her.
Luckily, on Wednesday, Maggie had gone into labor and had her baby. I’d met the woman a few times, but when Lex spent the day spamming me with photos of the baby dressed at least a dozen monogrammed onesies, I grinned like a maniac each time my phone vibrated. For the first time since our conversation on the beach, things had started to feel normal again.
Thursday passed without much communication outside of a group message between me, Cal, and Lex where she said she couldn’t make it to Huey’s for darts. Considering neither of us expected Cal to be there much anymore, it was all too telling that she hadn’t messaged me directly. After that, Cal asked for a recommendation for a company who could fill in a concrete hole in his backyard. Lex gave