on my living room floor, laughing and talking like nothing had changed. It was comfortable and easy being with him like that, which was probably why I was finally ready to dip my toes into the big discussion pool.
I was using his thick, outstretched arm as a pillow while we lay on our backs and went for it.
“Hey, Hud?”
“Yeah, babe,” he replied, absentmindedly kicking his foot to bat away a territorial Boop at the end of our sheet.
I turned my face toward his in the dim, flickering light. “Okay. Time in. This really doesn’t feel strange to you? Like, us?”
He rolled to his side but didn’t pull his arm away, and then he brushed the hair off my sweaty forehead. With no AC and after doing what we had, I wasn’t even worried about how totally jacked I probably looked.
“No,” he answered without hesitation. “It feels natural to me. Unexpected maybe, but right.”
I couldn’t disagree, especially in moments like that.
“Now what about you? What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”
After three beers and three orgasms and three hours of uninterrupted Hudson time, I couldn’t hold back anymore. “It all feels right, almost too right sometimes, but I’m scared too.” Damn it. I hated how my voice cracked every time I let my guard down.
But if we had any shot at this at all, I had to start somewhere and get used to talking to him about stuff. There was a good chance, before everything was said and done, one or both of us would fuck this up on accident. But I knew one hundred percent that we’d never get anywhere if I didn’t face the things I’d been hiding from both him and myself.
“I don’t mean to scare you, Lex. I’m just being me.”
“It’s not that. I’m used to you by now, big guy.”
“Then what is it?” He cleared his throat and pulled me closer with his free hand. “Are you afraid I can’t make you happy? That you’re not a priority to me? That I won’t take care of you?”
What absolute Hudson things to say.
What sweet, protective, loyal, thick-and-thin Hudson things to say.
I swallowed and smiled up at him. “No. You do make me happy—when you’re not driving me crazy. And I’d never dream of being your first priority—that’s Jack’s spot. And there’s no one, not a single soul, on this great big Earth I trust to look out for me more than you. But…”
I was so damn afraid to say it.
His hand cupped my face and his thumb made tiny circles on my cheek. He whispered gently, “Just tell me. I’ll fix it.”
With a shaky exhale, I pushed on. “I’m so damn scared that I’m falling totally head-over-heels in love with you and then one day you’ll just be gone. Without you, who’s gonna fix me?”
He rolled on top of me, bracing himself on his elbows, and I cradled him between my bare legs. “I’m not going anywhere.”
A different man had told me that once. He wasn’t a liar, but he was gone all the same.
I didn’t care anymore if I sounded desperate; I was. “What if you don’t have a choice?”
Painful understanding flooded his features. “Oh, God. No, Alexis. Don’t do that to yourself. Come here.”
I clung to him, searching for the relief to my long-aching heart. “I won’t survive it again. Please. Don’t. Don’t go.”
“I swear. I won’t. Never. Shhh. It’s me and you now. Okay?” His blue eyes seemed to glow in the darkness, and thunder shook the walls.
I willed our words to be true by saying them back like a vow. “Okay. Me and you.”
“That’s right. There’s my girl.” He kissed my forehead, my nose, and my leaky eyes, repeating, “Never. I’m never gonna leave.”
I started to believe him, and with every press of his lips against my fevered skin, I believed him more.
“I need you so much, Hudson.” Not just for another night or another week. I needed him forever.
With a firm hand, he guided my gaze back to his. The intensity in his face nearly crippled me. “Alexis, don’t you get it? I need you more.”
Hudson needed me? This strong man who had the world by the tail needed me?
Then I said four words I never in my wildest dreams imagined coming out of my mouth. “Make love to me.” And I meant them.
I wanted Hudson in so many different ways, but there on the floor, in the middle of a summer thunderstorm, I wanted his body to convince my