Instead, he threads his fingers with mine. The softness of his touch nearly breaks my heart all over again.
Your pain is my pain, Butterfly.
That was the first time I’d been able to breathe since the doctor said it was a false positive. Knowing that Cole, of all people, understood that pain made it less sharp. It’s still there, but I feel a certain type of peace knowing I have him with me.
Wait. He’s holding my hand. He shouldn’t.
I stare over my shoulder and try to wiggle away, but he doesn’t let me go. “Cole! We’re in public.”
“We’re not in England. No one knows us here.” He drags me closer into his side. “Stay still.”
No one knows us here.
The only one who does is probably Lucien’s butler, and he’s out of the picture now.
A surreal sense of levitation takes hold of me as I let Cole lead me in the direction of the nearest town.
Renewed energy engulfs me. I soak in my surroundings, the bright blue sky and the warm sun. In the confines of the tight streets and vintage feel of the roads, it’s like a scene from a novel.
“There was a destructive battle here during the world war,” Cole says as we pass old buildings. “Our troops fought for the French on these same streets.”
I grin, watching him study the old pavement with that curious glint in his eyes. It’s so rare to see him unleash his inner nerd. “Well, it wasn’t our battle, and yet, we lost so many soldiers for it.”
“Do you honestly believe that?” He gives me a curious look.
“Yes, the French got themselves into that mess. We didn’t have to act like knights in shining armour.”
“We were anything but. That’s called a precedent fight, Butterfly. We were going to get involved anyway, so we made the first move and fought the enemy on foreign soil. Those types of battles happened many times over the course of history, like in the Ottoman Empire’s colonisation wars, or the Persians against the Romans.”
“You’re such a nerd.”
He releases my hand and tugs me to the crook of his body by the waist. It’s the first time he’s touched me so possessively in public. It’s almost as if he’s announcing his ownership. “Who are you calling a nerd, Butterfly?”
“You.” I hide my smile. “I bet you can give accurate retellings and even recite what those generals said before every battle.”
“Of course I can. The pre-battle part is the most important. That’s the moment before death. Before chaos.”
Cole called me his chaos before, and I still don’t know whether that’s a good or a bad thing. Since he associates it with death, it’s clear on which side it falls. My heart shrinks as I try to fight off the feeling.
“It’s beautiful,” he says.
“Beautiful?”
“Yes. It’s the unknown, and the unknown can be the most beautiful thing.”
“Or the most horrible one.”
“You never know at that moment. When troops stand there listening to their generals, they don’t know whether they’ll die, be injured, or stay alive. They don’t know if they’ll see their families again or if it’s all over. It’s human nature at its truest form.”
“It’s called survival.”
“It’s called life.” He brushes his lips against my nose. “It’s chaos.”
My heart thumps so hard, I’m scared it’ll stop beating or something.
Oh, shit.
I’m not supposed to be so caught up in him like this. I’m not supposed to wish I’m still his chaos and that he’ll never ever find a replacement.
“Do you want to do something chaotic?” I bite my lower lip.
“Like what?”
I motion at a tattoo parlour across the street from which a couple are exiting, appearing half happy, half in pain.
He raises a brow. “You want to get a tattoo?”
“Together. You and I.” It’s a crazy idea, but I want to commemorate this moment. I want to remember the pain, but also the way Cole held me through it.
We’ll eventually go home, and I want to keep the moment where we got to hold hands in public as a permanent reminder of today.
I expect him to refuse since Cole isn’t the type who likes to mark skin — at least not permanently, but then he says, “I get to choose what you put on your skin.”
I jut my chin. “And I get to choose what you put on yours.”
His lips tilt in a charming smile. “Deal.”
In the parlour, we decide to get tattoos on our sides since they can be easily hidden by clothes. Cole demands that the woman take care of me,