in bed by herself. I drive myself insane with scenarios that put her in harm’s way…or with another man while I’m gone. I’m jealous, I’m obsessed, and I understand exactly why men get all up-fucked about their women while they’re away. I’m checking every box in the in love category and hating every second of it.
Try as I might, the pit in my stomach doesn’t go away. It’s almost a false confidence I rely on because of the extent of our history. That has to count for something, doesn’t it? If it doesn’t, I’m merely a rebound or plaything until she realizes she does want something different. The insecurities I feel are bastards that I’ve never, not once in my life, felt before.
Morganna refuses to get the police involved with anything, assuming that the person stalking her is “as harmless as a fly.” She assures me and anyone who will listen it’s nothing—that it’s a figment of her imagination and there are enough security measures in play that no one needs to worry. It’s exactly what you’d say if you were worried. I know her too well. Maverick does, too. I keep in contact with Phillipe and a few of the guys on another team that aren’t deployed with us. They check in on her and she’s to let them know if she needs anything. It puts my mind at ease for the meantime, until I can get home and stand watch like a super hero guardian—except with guns and terror. Hell, maybe I’ll even wear a cape…and nothing else when I go off duty.
Maverick taps me on the shoulder. I’m scrolling through my iPad looking at a racing website, waiting for Morganna to get online to chat. We’re in Africa—well, we’re on the waters adjacent to Africa, on a big, fucking ship. Ships suck. I prefer the dessert shanties over a rocking bed and tight quarters with nowhere to escape. The adjustment period is always a little longer. “You done looking at porn man?” Maverick asks, thwacking me on the back of my ear.
I laugh. “I want to race this course when we get back.” I hold up the iPad so he can get a better look at it.
Grabbing it from me, he sits on the bottom bunk and is immediately engrossed. He mumbles his affirmation before clicking links to watch videos.
“We’ll make a guys’ weekend of it or something. Whatdya’ think?”
Maverick has so much money that he doesn’t even need to rent one of these cars. He has one—a beautiful, fucking machine that makes my cock hard and my mouth water. One day, when I’ve saved the world from itself, I might have one of my own too. Racing by itself, without even owning the fine ass car, is an expensive hobby. I’ll sink my money there for now and play with Mav’s when he’s in a charitable mood.
“Fuck yeah,” he says, narrowing his eyes in concentration as he watches a Ferrari roar around a slim track.
It gets my heart pumping watching the videos, too. Danger. Speed. Adrenaline. All unavoidable characteristics we need to breathe. I shift things around on my desk and try not to think about the pending mission we have the next night. It’s why we’ve been floating around here for the past month, collecting new intelligence, watching people who don’t know we’re watching, and preparing to kick ass. It’s what we’ve focused on for months back in Virginia Beach. It’s our one job during this deployment. We can’t fuck it up. We won’t fuck it up.
If I think about it prematurely, I’ll get wound up and my mind won’t clear. Sleep won’t come, my appetite will leave, my drive to do anything other than focus on the task will dwindle down to nothing. I’m not ready to be there quite yet. I thrive on order and plans. Don’t tip the tower, or rock the boat, or put the shoe before the foot. All policies I subscribe to.
A mobile phone symbol pops up next to Morganna’s name on my laptop. It alerts me that she’s now available, if only by cell phone to message. Glancing at the time, I tap out a quick message.
I’ve been waiting for you all day! It’s true. Sad and true.
She responds quickly. I have a life, Steven. How was your day? I miss you a ton.
She’s been distant since I left. I only picked up on it because her brevity became even briefer in her e-mails and messages after I