to see me better.
All of a sudden I’m nervous. I’ve never done anything even remotely this brazen. Well, what I’m about to do. Get naked in front of a webcam and do God knows what.
“Have you ever thought about being more than my girlfriend?” he asks seriously.
My eyes bug out of my head and my jaw drops. I wait a few beats, staring at him curiously. I stutter. “I mean…has it been long enough to be appropriate to think about that?” The logical Windsor steps up to the plate. I also added a trick of his: answer a question with a question.
“That’s not what I asked. Drop your preconceived notions about everything you’ve been told about relationships and be truthful. Have you thought about being more than just my girlfriend?” He swallows as his chest heaves. I’d guess his heart is hammering a mile a minute.
I slide my strap back on my shoulder. This conversation took a detour into new, uncharted territory. The truth, Windsor. Tell him the truth. I can’t say I love you to him, because I’m still sorting out that whole concept in my twisted mind, but have I ever thought about being more than his girlfriend? Yes. I’m female. A flash of a white dress, two point five kids, and a picket fence simmer to the surface whenever a woman dates a man. Even a first date so, watch out, guys. It’s an uncontrollable response whether love is involved or not.
“Of course,” I exclaim. I make it seem he’s crazy for having to ask. Men don’t know about the inner-workings of a female brain, though. I can’t fault him for that. “Is that the right answer? Have you thought about me being more than your girlfriend?”
“If it’s true, it is the right answer. I have. I hate that we’re not having this conversation in person. I wasn’t joking when I said forever, Win,” he replies. My heart thunders and my breathing speeds up, my body responding to words from a man on the other side of the world. It. Is. Ridiculous. Maverick’s hazel eyes land on mine. “I’m not good with words,” he starts saying, but I cut him off.
“You are excellent with words. The song you wrote me? Perfection, Maverick. I wish I could tell you how I feel about you as easily,” I say, looking over to my window to break the cyber eye contact. I hear him clear his throat. He won’t push me to say or admit anything no matter how much his curiosity gets the best of him. I face the screen again. “How do you know when you love a person, Mav?” I take a deep breath. He’s steered this conversation to this deep, scary place. Why not ask what I really want to know?
“I can’t answer that question for everybody. I can answer it for me…about you,” he says, pausing. “I knew I was in love with you when I wanted you more than I wanted anything else. I don’t need you to live my life. I want you in my life to make it worth living.” He clears his throat, nodding. “It started off as a challenge. I won’t lie, Win. I wanted you because I couldn’t have you. You were like this jagged mountainside that I had to climb to get what I wanted. I never anticipated wanting to open up to you and what that would lead to. The day you trusted me enough to jump out of an airplane, I took a leap too. I decided to go all in. I’m all in, Windsor. There’s no going back from this, or pretending I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I love you because you’re good. Your honesty is the most beautiful thing about you. You make me a better person without even trying. It’s uncomplicated because it’s innate for you. I’m just waiting for you to realize how amazing you really are and leave my sorry, fucked-up ass. I know I love you because of this,” he says putting his fisted hand over his heart—over my tattoo. “It would stop beating if you weren’t mine. I’m yours, Windsor.”
I sniffle. “I told you about my crying problem and you go and do that?” I laugh, but it’s broken up by a small sob. Maverick smiles a wistful smile.
“I’m taking your lead in the honesty department,” he admits.
I love you, I think. I feel like a liar, not the queen