different. Not just because you were the hottest fucking woman on the planet, but because of what you made me feel without even trying. I never thought to ask for more out of life other than what I was already given. Asking for the perfect woman was out of the question. I mean how much luck can one man have? But there you were, like a freight train with a heart of gold and a body made for speed. I wanted you. There was a difference between you and every other woman I’ve been attracted to. I wanted you to want me back.
Initially I thought you’d be this unobtainable goal, but then I realized you weren’t unobtainable…not really. My brain just labeled you that way because it saw the fucking DANGER signs posted around you. “Slippery slope. Will fall into fucking oblivion.” Or something like that. I never listen to fucking warnings. Maybe I should have and perhaps you wouldn’t be reading a grave letter right now. I don’t regret going after you, Windsor. You’re the best detour my life has ever taken. You are merely the best thing. That’s an all-encompassing statement.
I can’t write you this letter like I’m already gone, because I’m not. I’m still thinking of you and picturing you in my mind and living my life one day at a time to get back to you. To hold you. To kiss you. To love you. So while I may be dead as a doornail when you read this, I sure as shit wasn’t when I wrote it. I can still feel your lips on mine. I know what my name coming out of your mouth does to me. I’m aware that I’ve left the likes of the Hope Diamond out for the taking. Maybe it’s na?ve to think because I love you so much no one else will touch you. Maybe not. You give me hope in a fucked up world.
I want to give you everything in life. Everything and more because that’s what you deserve, Win. Not just material possessions either. I know that shit doesn’t mean anything to you. I want to give you laughter that never ends, understanding, acceptance, gratitude for taking a chance on the wild card, love…oh, boy do I want to give you that. I’m not sure that I know how to love you properly. All I know is that you have all of my love and somehow it grows each and every day. It fills me up until only you consume me. Things have consumed me before….my career and the rush of a fast-paced lifestyle, the glory of being a SEAL, but Windsor consumption can’t be compared to anything else.
It’s not going to be me to give you those things, because I’m gone. My chest aches thinking about it. Heartache beyond death is possible. It’s right here—In these words. Fall in love and don’t be afraid of anything. Life is too short to calculate everything. Don’t settle for anything less than perfect love. The person might lack certain things, or be some crazy asshole, but if the love is perfect that’s what matters. Everything else is just white noise in the background, lulling along the emotions. Sometimes you just have to leap without looking first. Take a chance, Win. Always. Always. Always take the fucking chance.
I will love you forever and then some. It’s your hand over my heart, not mine. I won’t break rules and say goodbye. I’ll say live like goodbyes don’t even exist.
T.H.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Maverick
I’M SORRY. THOSE two words are never enough. I learned that the hard way growing up in the Hart residence. You show your remorse through doing better and proving your apology is sincere by actions. That’s what I’m doing now. I could apologize a million times for the fucking awful lies I told Windsor. But they’d be just words from a person who doesn’t deserve trust. I barely trust myself right now. I haven’t had a sip of alcohol since the night Windsor came to me. She could have stayed with Nash that night, but she came. It was the only show of confidence I needed. It’s strange how some small act creates so much forward momentum.
“She’s been wanting that new couch for like a year. Windsor is going to flip out,” Gretchen says excitedly. I asked what Windsor wanted if price wasn’t an object, and she told me a couch. It’s not the most romantic gift in the world by any stretch,