who I like, and didn’t vote against me. Then suddenly Rusty clanks around and says he’s going to Egypt to save the jokers and what the hell?
They’re going to get killed. It’s a gang war! And I know, ’cause I’ve been in them! Except those pendejos in Arabia are way more serious about it than they are in East LA, ’cause they’ve been doin’ it for centuries and they’re completely loco.
Rusty I can kind of understand. He’s a joker. They’re jokers. But he’s built like a tank and can rust tanks. And Simoon, some of those people are her family, and hey, I understand family. But the rest of them? Bubbles and Ana and Holy Roller and Hardhat and even King Cobalt? I don’t care how strong you are, you can’t wrestle an army! They all up and leave. At least they have the sense to leave Rachel behind. And then I’m crying, because I promised mi abuelita I was through with gangs, and gang wars, and I was going to Hollywood to be a reality television star and I was going to win a million dollars and no one would have to die. No one.
Then those pendejos in Egypt had to start a war.
Damn them. Damn them all to hell . . .
Confessional: Andrew Yamauchi aka Wild Fox
That was cool. Totally cool.
The big question around here has always been, how are they going to bring us Discards back? You know that’s how these shows work. They sure weren’t keeping us all fed and boozed because they liked us. No, I knew there had to be some big finish.
But you know what I thought it was going to be? I thought the last challenge—you know, when it’s just down to two people and they have to decide the winner—I was really hoping it would be them against us. That’s right—all twenty whatever of us against them. Epic combat. Sweet revenge. ’Cause we would have totally kicked their asses. Seriously cool.
But I was okay with how it went down. Getting to look those guys in the eyes, them knowing that we all controlled their fates. You could see it, they actually regretted every single time they were jerks to any of us.
Why did I vote off Stuntman? The real reason? ’Cause I wanted to see a catfight in the finish. Hot girl-on-girl action. Bam! And it’s not like there was any way Curveball wasn’t going to win the whole ballgame.
Except she left. She just left. What’s up with that? So there’s some bad [bleep] going on in Egypt. There’s also bad [bleep] going on in Africa, Central America, the Philippines, Indonesia—not to mention LA. It’s not like you have to go looking for problems to solve. So what makes her think she can solve any of them? What can anybody do in a [bleep]hole like that?
Personally, I think it’s hormones. She’s totally been chasing after John Fortune since like Week Three. It’s made her lose her mind. She’s going to wake up a week from now and totally kick herself for giving up the million dollars.
I’m staying right here in the Discard Pile. It’s an endless party. Except for the people moping around like losers. I mean, yeah, okay, we are losers. But are we really? See, I don’t think so. We made it this far, right? Not everyone can win, and let’s face it, most of us only got on the show because some network dude thought we looked hot or would be funny or something.
It’s not like any of this is real. We’ve got a fridge full of beer and pizza—I’m totally there. I feel like a winner. The fact that I made it as far as I did makes me kind of a celebrity around here, you know?
Okay, not really. But I refuse to be all down and out about it. I’m not going to bring everyone else down. In fact—and I got a lot of practice doing this in high school, so I know it works—I think I’m the total life of the party. A few celebrity impressions, a ten-eyed squid peeking out of somebody’s margarita—brings down the house every single time. I’m in my element here.
I’ve been watching the dailies from the show. Those so-called winners? Do they look like they’re having any fun? Not even a little bit. When was the last time you saw Stuntman smile? Seriously? Has that dude ever smiled?
Actually, the place is kind of lonely since half the people here left