been hanging around that Andrew. He can turn into movie stars and stuff, and I think they like how he makes them laugh. And that soft furry tail. Plus it pisses the tough guys off something fierce. Oops. Can I say that?
So maybe even a guy like me has a chance, huh? Nope, didn’t think so neither. Miss Cleopatra acted mighty friendly to me for a spell. She comes from down south too, so I figured we might find us some common ground. But she don’t so much as look at me now, and I get the feeling she just sort of pops from one man to the next the way she can pop from place to place. She don’t mean nothing by it; it’s only just her nature.
Yeah, Pearl’s been spending some time with me, I guess. Mostly in the pool. She sure does like to swim. I don’t. Down where I live, the water’s full of gators, and anyhow, it’s not like I turn into a frog, you know. Toads is different. Pearl still talks with me, though. Don’t mean nothin’. Some of the guys have, too. That don’t mean nothin’ neither. Reckon they just need somebody to listen to ’em who won’t judge ’em.
And I don’t. Who am I to judge anybody? Just a big old Florida cracker who turns into a giant toad. I leave judging to the Lord. Reckon He’s got it covered.
What do they talk to me about? I can’t tell you that. That’s why they talk to me. They figure anything goes in my ear stays there. Or maybe they just reckon it just goes straight out the other ear. Some folks do get up in each other’s grills. Stuntman taught me to say that. I think it’s funny. It’s all just blowing off steam. I think the worst thing happened ’cause of that Spasm guy. There’s a boy don’t know when to turn it off.
Right after Tiffani got voted off she was wound up pretty tight. Next day in the common room, ever’ time she got near that Matryoshka, Spasm would goose her one. She’d turn right ’round and holler at poor Ivan. He didn’t have no idea what was going on. Finally she snapped and just started whalin’ on him. Good thing she didn’t turn all diamond or she’d’a done that boy a world of hurt.
As it was, before anybody could move a muscle she’d got him down to like eight little Ivans, and was a-kickin’ them and throwing things at ’em. They just kept splittin’. Never seen nothing like it. They ran all around like little crazy men, carrying on in these teeny-tiny voices and getting into things and tipping the coffee pot over. Scalded poor Gardener’s fanny through her jeans, and she spoke up pretty brisk.
When people figured out what was going on, mostly ’cause old Paul couldn’t help laughing like a fool at how clever he was and all, that T.T., he got so mad he picked up Spasm by the throat. Right off the ground like he was a chicken. I don’t think that was ace power or nothin’, he’s just that strong. He was raring back to punch Paul’s face inside out when the Raj guy made some underpants fly on his face and stick there like a octopus. That sorta broke the tension.
I reckon that’s about it. Already said more’n I should have, I don’t doubt.
Oh, and to Mr. or Ms. ASKing Y2: thank you kindly for your comments to my earlier confession. I wanna correct one misappra—uh, missuh uhh, misunderstanding, about me growing up just down the road from Palm Beach and all. I’d’a answered online, exceptin’ I never can figure out how to sign on. Loxahatchee’s the name of the post office where Uncle Rayford’s mail comes in. We may not live that far from West Palm as the snowy egret flies, but we do live away out in the Everglades, not far from the wildlife refuge. Ain’t no roads go where we are.
You can be closer than that to South Beach, down to Miami-Dade, and still be up to your ass in alligators. Dang, I went and said it again on the teevee. Best you turn that thing off before I go and step on my—dang—
[blushes furiously and holds hand in front of camera]
Week 10: How the Cards Fall
Week Ten Recap: The Disaster
This time it’s the Red Team drawing an ace from the Blacks, last week’s winner.
They chose Rosa Loteria, setting up