back’s got it: El Paraguas, the Umbrella. And my transformation just now? Oh, it happens all sorts of ways. I call that one my “Alice Flurry.” When I was little, I was frightened by that picture in Alice in Wonderland where the cards jump her. It always looked a lot like a gang initiation—which is I guess sort of what happened with me when mi abuelita gave me this deck for my cumpleaños, my fifteenth birthday, and my wild card turned because I was so happy. The Loteria jumped me into their gang.
It’s a little random. I never know which ace I’m going to pull, who I’m going to be. And while I may look like the Morton Salt girl right now, I have to tell you, this little chiquitita in the Mary Janes is one of the most kick-ass aces you’ll meet, because if I open up this big umbrella here, well, When it rains, it pours. We’ll have a thunderstorm right here on the set. Plus I could fly around like Mary Poppins and call lightning bolts. But if I did that, the producers would have a fit, so you’ll just have to take my word for it, okay?
Honestly, El Paraguas is one of my favorites. I’m glad I drew her. Though with so many cards, really, I have a lot of favorites: La Chalupa, the Flower Boat; El Corazón, the Heart; El Tigre, the Tiger; El Diablito, the Little Devil; La Amapola, the Poppy; El Catrin, who’s pretty much me if I were the sharp-dressed man; and of course La Rosa, the Rose, who’s me.
I’m really glad to be on American Hero and of course to have drawn my aces—all of them. I loved Loteria calling as soon as my grandma showed me what it was, but there’s not much money in it and it’s sort of a dying art, and if I hadn’t turned my ace when I did, I guess I would have been looking at, I don’t know, beauty college or something? But this is a lot more fun. Not that there’s anything wrong with beauty college, I mean—my sister Adela’s in beauty college—but who wouldn’t want to be a famous ace and win a million dollars?
And my grandma and all my homies are back in East LA rooting for me, so this is really for them, so hi, abuelita! ¡Te quiero!
My team? How do I like being a Spade? I like it a lot. It’s like being in a gang, except no one’s going to get killed. My boyfriend Hector died in a gang fight, you know? And they still don’t know who killed him. And I swore to Jesus I’d never touch gang colors again, but this is different. We’re on TV. This is just for fun. So wearing the Spades jacket? I love it.
The Candle’s hot. And I’m not just talking about the flames on his head—John’s a really hot guy, and he’s half Hispanic too, so there’s a lot for me to like. Plus he’s got a really versatile power. Not as versatile as mine, of course, but still, a pretty great power, since he can make hot flames and cold flames and healing flames and all sorts of flames. Then there’s Cleo, who can teleport, and her ace name is Pop-Tart . . .
What? That’s not her name? I’m supposed to call her Cleopatra? Why? Everyone on the set’s been calling her Pop-Tart and I think she knows it.
Okay, whatever, Cleo Pop-Tart-ra, she’s this southern belle who teleports and has been flirting with every guy on the set, even Holy Roller. And Toadman. And, um, ew.
Then there’s Simoon, who’s from Vegas and can turn into a sandstorm. She told me her mama’s an Egyptian goddess and her dad’s Elvis, so she’s a second-generation ace, but, like, whatever. She’s from Vegas. If she said her dad was a magician and her mom’s a tiger, what would I say? No, that can’t happen! That’s impossible! If I draw El Músico, the Musician, I can turn into Elvis too. Or Madonna. Or, hey, even Drummer Boy, and wouldn’t that be weird? Anyway, Aliyah’s a little younger than me, but can turn into a sandstorm, which means she can fly, which is useful for our gang—I mean team—and if we need it, the Spades have free sandblasting.
Come to think of it, Wally could use some sandblasting. Wally, I mean Rusty—Rustbelt—he’s a nice guy, but he’s made out of metal. And he can’t turn