have much in the way of “requirements.” If you can walk and talk, look like you might have money, and can [bleep], she’s pretty much interested. And hey, I’m done with her now. For which I can only say, “Hallelujah!”
Hey, she’s not gonna see this, right? I don’t have any interest in ending up in [bleep]ing Timbuktu because she got pissed.
Good.
In that case, I’ll tell you there are a few others I have my eyes on. Hindenburg Bubbles, no thanks, but some of the others. I mean, I kinda wonder what else Blrr might be able to do real fast, and Rosa Card Tricks has already expressed some interest along those lines. Jade Blossom is a [bleep]ing knockout to look at even if she doesn’t seem much interested, and there’s Tiff, the real Diamond Girl . . .
Yeah, yeah. “Talk about the teams and the contest.” I hear you. Like I said, Hearts isn’t the lame-o team. I guess what I didn’t see was that the better mix of powers, the more chances you got in this. I sure as hell didn’t figure that the Earth Bitch would be so [bleep]ing useful—[bleep], now I wonder if she might not go all the way. Hey, there’s a scenario for you: Ana’s got herself attached to Kate so tight you’d think they were [bleep]ing girlfriends. Wonder what she’d do if the two of them end up having to duke it out to win? Could be fun. I’d watch, for sure. In any case, we’re the team that everyone watches; we’re the team they all figure they gotta beat now. That’s fine by me—I prefer the attention.
The Lame-O Team Title has to go to those [bleep]ing Diamonds. I swear, they couldn’t find their asses in the dark with both hands. I mean, yeah, they did okay this week, but that was just [bleep]ing luck. They’ve lost every challenge so far. Every [bleep]ing one. How lame is that, having to discard someone each and every week? The way they’re going, there won’t be any Diamonds left soon—which makes me wonder how the show’s gonna handle that [bleep] when they get down to a pair or just one? Glad I didn’t get stuck with that group.
Look, last time I was dead wrong about Hearts, and I’ll admit that. But I also said that I wasn’t much interested in winning this thing. I still ain’t, and that’s the [bleep]ing honest truth. I’d still rather be with Joker Plague playing somewhere or working on tunes than here.
Frankly, the only entertainment here between challenges is . . . well, you wanted me to stop talking about that. I’ll tell you that relationships last about a day around here. Keeping up with who’s hooking up with who could be a full-time job. Maybe that’s what Peregrine’s having Captain Cruller do when he’s not fetching coffee and doughnuts—keep it all on a nice little spreadsheet. He’d probably be good at that, when he wasn’t [bleep]ing off thinking about it.
Sorry. Got off the subject there.
I gotta admit that when we’re doing something, when they give us a challenge, the adrenaline kicks in and I just want to kick ass. Afterward, I think about how stupid and artificial and contrived all this is and all the other things I could be doing that I can’t right now, but when it’s happening . . . [drumroll] . . . it’s all I got my mind on. I’ll admit to being competitive, and I’ll admit to loving the attention. There ain’t no bigger high than the one you get when everyone’s applauding and screaming and the one they’re shouting about is you.
Ain’t nothing better in life than that.
At least nothing you can do in public.
Confessional: Tom Diedrich aka Brave Hawk
Right. I’m out the door, in the Discard Pile, but I get my time with the camera. White man tolerance in action. Wow.
It’s typical. Stuntman is probably the next to go. Just as soon as everyone forgets what Rustbelt said, Stuntman will be out the door too. Toad Man, too, though maybe his original race will win out over his piss-ugly ace form. Sure as hell, the last Club standing, if you can call it that, is going to be Holy Roller. He’s the likeable white guy.
Okay, I’m hopin’ that this will actually get aired. For all those who have seen my other takes on the website, hang on, the good stuff is coming.
As you can see by the war paint, I’m Brave Hawk, otherwise