kissed me without permission. Or how he drugged me and used me in the cruel practices of the Empire.
When the screen came to life, and I saw Josiah sitting in the dark of the basement, I wanted to feel sorry for him. I wanted those delicate whispers of love to unfold upon me, to remind me that it was us—always us. But they never came. He looked disheveled and broken, and my heart felt nothing.
“Hey, Ash,” he choked out in a whisper.
“Hey.” Looking at the dimly lit basement made my stomach churn. It was hard to think that a few short weeks ago, that was my home.
“I have to be careful now when I call you. We can’t talk for long, but I needed to see the birthday girl.” A small smile graced his peach lips, and I let loose the hint of a grin. Even though my heart was hardening, our friendship and care somewhat remained. Josiah always found a way to make me feel special on my birthday. As a young boy, he would sneak chocolates and other knick-knacks wrapped in newspaper into my room so I would have a gift to open.
I checked the date on my tablet and was surprised to see that today was, in fact, my birthday. I then glanced up and saw Cyler glaring at me with eyes meaner than a bee sting. I briefly worried that he was upset that Josiah called.
“You forgot again, didn’t you?” Josiah joked, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes.
“You know I don’t usually celebrate.” My eyes glided back down to the tablet, ignoring the angry stares from Cyler, Maverick, and Kemper .
“The day you were born is a day that the entire Empire should celebrate, Ashleigh.”
I smiled and was pleased by his words, but once again my emotions felt hollow. There was a time that I might have swooned at his admission, but not anymore. If anything, I was embarrassed by his flirtatious comment, and it made me blush. A cough reminded me that we had an audience, and I kept my expressions under control. Despite all the time, pain, and distance, Josiah still managed to fluster me.
“Normally, I would have a gift for you, but this year I’m just going to have to trust that Cyler or one of your…friends…will take care of it.” He spoke loudly as if knowing that someone was listening in on our conversation.
“Remember the one birthday when we went dancing in the courtyard?” he asked in a hopeful tone that didn’t match his dark and brooding appearance.
I did. Josiah stole a merlot chiffon dress from his mother’s closet, and I clumsily wore it. It was way too big and slipped off my slender shoulders, but I still remembered how Josiah’s eyes swept appreciatively over me. We snuck out at midnight and danced until our feet hurt.
His keen eyes had roamed my body, his hands lingering upon my hips while we danced. It was one of the first nights that I wondered if his feelings mimicked mine. I wondered if he desired me as much as I desired him.
I slowly nodded while puffing air out, pushing a curl that had fallen in my eyes. I was unwilling to answer Josiah's question for fear that everyone would hear the crack of emotion in my voice. It was one of the few memories I had of Josiah before everything went to hell. Before he got engaged. Before he chose his duties over me. Before I got swept away into the Dormas province with my new family.
“I hope one day we can dance together again,” he whispered while looking longingly at me.
“Just tell me what’s going on, Josiah. I can help you. We can help you.” I wanted desperately to understand what was happening. Some twisted part of me still wanted a happy ending for Josiah. I wanted—no, needed to know that he would be okay, despite all this pain between us.
“You can help me by staying as far away from Galla and Lackley as possible. You have no idea what’s brewing.” I noticed his temple angrily throb.
“Then tell me, ” I pleaded once more.
“Stay safe, Ash. I love you.” And with that, the line clicked, leaving an empty screen and my empty heart.
I wasn’t sure how to feel at Josiah’s sudden departure. Sometimes I think he reveled in having the last laugh or leaving me to wonder. I once would agonize over every word he spoke to me and replay in my