I shuffled to the door and was surprised to find Cyler on the other side.
“Hey, you have a minute?” he asked in a gruff voice. I didn’t reply, but moved aside to let in. His bulky frame took up the entire room, and when he sat down on my cot with a wince, I couldn’t help but smile.
“God damn, this is what you all sleep on? I’m ordering new beds right now.” Cyler whipped out his Tablet and began furiously tapping away. Once done, he shifted uncomfortably while looking around the room, as if avoiding the conversation.
I observed him for a moment. Even though something was obviously bothering him, there was a lightheartedness about him that I hadn’t seen before. It was probably that little Walker of his.
“Maverick’s mad at me,” he finally said.
“Are you sure it isn’t just his face? He’s got that depressed grizzly look going on,” I said with a snide smile. Cyler laughed and I flinched. It was so rare that we spoke, I didn’t know how to react. Once the laughter faded, he scooted forward and rested his forearms on his knees. I prepared for the bad news.
“Our family is pretty fucked up, huh? I mean, last night, what Tallis said…” Cy rubbed the nape of his neck while drifting off. “Look, I—I'm sorry that I tend to see the worst in you. I think in a lot of ways I’m jealous.”
I openly gaped at Cyler now. Jealous? How on earth could he be jealous? It was always me pining after their group. I was the one left out. I was the one pushed aside and forgotten.
“You had it so easy,” he began, and I dropped my mouth open in shock. “I was thrown into the responsibility of taking care of an entire province, and you got to go off and do your own thing.”
I pondered his words for a moment but still felt unsettled by this revelation. “I liked school,” I shrugged. “I just didn’t like feeling forgotten. I didn’t just lose Mom and Dad, I lost you, too,” All the years of neglect and abandonment came crashing down on us as we looked at one another. Cyler was forced into a leadership role for a dying province, and I was left to navigate my grief alone.
“I-I didn’t realize you felt that way,” Cyler said with an exhale. I saw the hint of guilt in the way he slumped his shoulders. “I thought I was keeping you safe. I’ve been so busy running Dormas…”
“...that you forgot about me?” I finished for him.
“I took the easy way out by sending you off to school. Jules, I care for you, regardless of what you might think.”
“I didn’t realize you needed an ‘out’ with me. I thought we were a family. I thought we could do this together.” I picked at the paint on my nails and tried to not fidget. “I want to sit here and hug and makeup, but I don’t think that's ever going to happen with us. I don’t think we’re ever going to be a normal family,” I said in a somber tone, standing up. “But maybe we can try to be cordial? Maybe one day, when you aren’t worried about saving the world, and I’m not off being a selfish brat, we can meet in the middle and have a contest of who can go the longest without insulting the other.”
“I can do that if you can stop harassing Ash. She’s important to me. Important to us.”
I sat there for a moment, soaking in his words and assigning a feeling to them. I still didn’t like her. She was so annoyingly perfect and captivated the attention of everyone within a ten-mile radius. It was sickening. But there was something more important to me than jealousy:
Redemption.
“I can do that.”
Cyler threw me a grateful smile while standing, too. He made his way towards the door, and I was relieved by his departure.
“Uh, do you think you could check on Maverick?” Cyler asked while looking at the floor. I was flooded with memories of our childhood. It was a vicious cycle. Cyler would piss Maverick off, then ask me to talk to him. Then I’d say something cruel, and he’d go back to talking to Cyler. I was the greater of two evils in the scenario.
“You want me to piss him off so he’ll like you again?” I asked with a frown while sighing. And here I was thinking we were making progress.
“What? No!