dancing anymore, we were swaying and pressing as tightly against one another as we could. “As for if I suffered? Fuck yes, I suffered. Every second away from you was agony. Fucking agony, Babe. Knowing you didn’t handle it well guts me. What happened?”
The song stopped, and we both just held each other for another moment until another song picked up. I used the loud strumming of the guitar to conceal my words from others nearby. “I was sad in the beginning. You were the first person to see me and then truly value my choices and freedom. You ripped that freedom from me. I was angry for a while, then I just kind of went into survival mode. But you know what I hate most, Cy?”
Cyler didn’t respond, he just held me tighter. He kissed my temple once more as if that was all he could do. “You taught me to fight for myself. You showed me I was worthy of love, that I didn’t have to be so passive in my life. You made me realize that I could claim my soul for myself...then you left. The worst part was you made me fall in love with you, then you gently placed me back in the pretty little cage where I was helpless against my situation.” I choked out each word as I let go of everything I’d been feeling these last five months. “Josiah said he stayed away because he loved me, too, you know. I thought we were better than that.”
Cyler let out a shaky sigh and whispered in my ear once more. “I did wrong by you, Ash. If I could change everything about that night, I would. But can you blame me? I love you enough to be without you if that’s what it takes. I just hope I can make it up to you. I swear I’m nothing like Josiah. I’d let nothing get between us.”
I looked around us and, after not seeing Cavil’s prying dark eyes, leaned up to kiss Cyler on the lips. With my touch, I showed him how much he’d changed my life. The depth of my love and appreciation for Cyler Black was infinite. He truly saved me from myself and from a lifetime in a toxic relationship. He collected each little broken piece of me and put it back together, making a life for me more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. He didn’t just make me feel complete, Cyler Black completed me.
Being without him would inevitably break me.
The space between us exploded, and my hands struggled to bring him closer. “You’re my everything, Babe. I want this for the long haul. I’m so sorry,” he whispered between kisses. The music stopped, and I looked up into his dark eyes, committing the fiery way he looked back at me to memory. I wanted to remember this moment forever. If this was our goodbye, then I wanted it to be a good one.
“We might not be able to get you,” I said, making sure to keep my voice low. “Our...arrangements...they’re falling apart. You could have to go back,” I choked.
Cyler rubbed his hands up and down my arms while looking around the room. The music stopped, and people were disappearing to the many dinner tables. He didn’t answer me until we found a small table in the dining room in the back, secluded from the others. Maverick sat at the table across from ours and kept eye contact with me as we ate. “I’m going to do everything in my power to get out of here, Babe. I’m not leaving you again,” he said in a voice that made me almost believe him.
Chapter Twenty-One
Kaye was quiet during the ride home. Although she didn't seem surprised by her sister's refusal to help, she was still disappointed. We all were. Now, Kaye would have to sneak into the kitchens to poison the guards’ wine stash on her own. I made sure to warn her about the angry chef and the lie I told her. But still, nothing seemed to be coming together. Was Jade genuinely prepared to kill Cavil? I didn't know her well, and although she appeared fearless, it was still a risk. Either way, I was determined to get my men on the transport and out of there. Regardless if Cavil were alive or not, I wouldn't be failing my mission.
The girls went to the third floor to debrief Madam B on their evening, and I was