empire. "
I shot up from my seat and looked around. This was all so difficult to make sense of.
"You were Lackley's assassin," I said, no hint of a question in my voice. I tried to remember if there were signs of his proclivities but came up short. Josiah seemed defeated and exhausted most days—not murderous.
"I did what I had to."
"How many?" I asked.
"Too many."
I walked over to the wall far from Josiah and sunk into a heap of disbelief on the floor.
"Of all of it, you know what I regret the most, Ash?" Josiah asked. "About a month before you went to live in Dormas, do you remember Lackley visiting?"
I searched my memories and briefly recalled Lackley's visit. Josiah wore a grey suit I loved. Linda Stonewell was drunk by the main course of dinner.
"I brought you chocolate that night. Usually I stayed away when he visited, but maybe I was feeling guilty—I killed a dignitary that morning. Somehow you always eased the guilt, Ash," he added softly. He let out a slow exhale and rubbed his chin, and I noticed for the first time that his ever-present glasses were gone. "Lackley saw me visiting your room, and I knew it. I saw it in his cruel stare. He was mentally cataloging you as another person he could use against me. Another person he could use to control me," he choked out.
Tears like ice streamed down my cheeks as I listened. "And you know what? Even if you had chosen to stay, I would have made you go. I didn’t plan on Cyler wanting you, but I’m glad he did. You are the only good part of me, Ash. You were the only thing Lackley couldn't ruin."
"So when you kidnapped me?" I asked.
"I made sure Cyler could rescue you," Josiah answered. "I just hate that you became a pawn, regardless. I didn't account for how influential the Black family was or even... "
I turned to look at Kemper who was now standing and turned away from us.
"...I didn't account for how strong your pull is. I can't blame them for falling for you, Ash. If I had my way, you would have spent a lifetime alone, pining after me. And if that makes me an asshole, so be it. I'm selfish. Clinging to what I want is what got me into this mess in the first place. I wanted to keep my status as a Stonewell. I wanted to protect my mother’s reputation. And I wanted you. Seems like, regardless, I’ve lost all of it. The gossip is probably out by now."
As Josiah's story unraveled at my feet, I realized something. If Josiah was Lackley's bastard son, then that meant he was no better than a Walker, really—at least, according to Galla standards. His mother may be of the Elite class, but children born out of legal partnerships were the grey area of our society. As a bastard, he wouldn’t be allowed to claim the privileges of a Stonewell, nor could he be recognized by Lackley. All this time I lived thinking he was better than me, when the truth of it was, we were more equal than I thought.
"You're a bastard. We could have been together," I whispered. Even though I loved the others, this truth still stung.
"Yeah, we could have. But I picked power instead. I guess you can blame dear old Dad for that trait," he said in a tone full of loathing.
I let out a slow exhale while contemplating what to say next. When the words came out, there was a finality to them that calmed me.
"In your own way, you protected me, Josiah. I might not agree with your methods, or the various paths you chose, but thank you." Josiah leaned forward, waiting to hear more, but my words fell flat. I couldn’t tell him what he wanted to hear.
"That’s it? That’s all you have to say? I'm a murderer. I'm Lackley's son!" he screamed, but his voice was scratchy like gravel.
"I don't know what you want me to say!" I yelled back. "That I am questioning everything I ever knew? That I'm sad? I'm telling you thank you because it's easier than saying I hate what you've become. "
Josiah laughed, and it sounded like Lackley’s manic giggles back in his lab in Dasos. "Baby, you might as well hate what I've always been, then. You loved a lie."
"Goodbye, Josiah," I whispered. Kemper grabbed my arm and pulled me up as Josiah yelled.
"Wait, Ash! Come