made it work for me for a while.”
After hearing what he revealed, I didn’t care about what he did. I only cared about what it might do to him. How long would this casual nonchalance over his father’s murder last? I hoped it wasn’t forever. I hoped that his soul wasn’t gone as he’d claimed. To feel, even if it was pain and sorrow, meant to possess that vital part still.
When we were silent for a while, I drew a deep breath, afraid to ask this next question. “And Selena?”
He swallowed, and I knew that whatever he was about to say wouldn’t be easy for me to hear. “I suppose I should start from the beginning.” I frowned at the bead of sweat that slipped from his hairline and down his achingly gorgeous face. Whatever he was about to say, my reaction and the consequences scared him shitless. More than his father threatening to end everything that Vaughn dared to love. “Your sister and I kissed…” He took a deep breath that shuddered out of him a moment later. “Before that night you caught us together.”
My arms dropped, and I took a step away from him. He let me. Sorrow and guilt ravaged his face, but he let me go anyway, knew that he wouldn’t be able to make me stay. “What?”
“That night we drove to the Poconos, Selena kissed me in the van. I have no excuse for what happened, pip. None. But—”
“But what?” I demanded. What could he possibly say that would make me understand? His father hadn’t threatened him then, so what did he have to betray me?”
“You asked me if I’d done things for Thirteen. After you ended things between us, my father sent me to Colombia to track down his supplier who’d double-crossed him.”
My gut twisted painfully before Vaughn could finish. Oh, God. He hadn’t, had he? Please no.
“He sent me and a few others to kill him.”
“Vaughn…”
“I watched that man take a bullet to the brain and did nothing. We even brought his body back to the States like a trophy.”
My mind raced as Vaughn spoke, remembering every detail of that weekend, including the haunted look in Vaughn’s eyes. I’d mistaken him for being upset over me ending things. For a moment, I wondered if I hadn’t, would he have gone? Just as quickly, I realized it wouldn’t have mattered. Vaughn wouldn’t have had a choice either way. I’d never regretted giving myself to him that night, but I’d never been so grateful either. I’d kept him tethered to that part of himself his father wanted to destroy. Only time would tell if it had been in vain. If his father, though dead, had won anyway.
“What does this have to do with my sister kissing you?”
“I let her, Tyra. For a split second, I let her take what she wanted because I wanted to hurt you.” He blew out air and swore at what I was sure was devastation written on my face. “You have every right to hate me. I do. I knew then that I was losing the battle with my father, and I hated myself. I was exactly who he claimed all along. After Colombia, I didn’t know how much longer I could fight. I was so tired, pip. I thought if I stopped resisting the inevitable, if I surrendered, then maybe I could feel a smidgen of the peace I felt when I was with you. The only thing holding me back was your feelings for me. As long as I still had a chance with you, I could never give in. I thought I wanted to hurt you for letting me go, but really, I wanted to destroy me.”
Wordlessly, I wrapped my arms around myself despite the warm spring air. It did nothing to staunch the frost creeping over my heart once again. Vaughn daringly wrapped himself around me.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” he pleaded.
“Tell me about the party,” was all I said in return. Vaughn might have thawed the ice around my heart, but the muscle was still numb. Time indeed was what it would take, but how much was required remained to be seen. Like him, I was tired of fighting the inevitable too. The reality that maybe Vaughn and I weren’t fated after all.
“My father ordered me to get rid of you permanently, or he would.” A chill ran down my spine, and as if sensing it, Vaughn ran his fingers down my back soothingly. “I wasn’t