Jamie shrug as he stared at his phone.
“Have it your way, poor sap number two. I wake up next to my girl every day.”
River began to cry, saving his uncle from a bloody nose. Luckily, Tyra had shown me how to prepare his bottle, so I washed my hands while Jamie babbled nonsense to him, thinking it would actually calm him down. I then grabbed one of the small bottles Tyra had stored in the fridge. Staring at the watery composition that reminded me of skim milk, my chest swelled, knowing Tyra’s body had transformed simply for the purpose of feeding my son. Feeling my mouth water and my gut stir for some reason, I set the bottle inside the baby warmer nearby and willed my dick to chill the fuck out.
A moment later, pandemonium ensued.
“Mayday! Mayday!” he screamed dramatically while holding his nose. “I think the little dude just shit himself!” Jamie quickly backed away, his eyes watering. “Fuck…what the hell do you guys feed him?”
Abandoning the bottle, I rushed over, feeling out of my fucking element. I realized this was my first time taking care of River alone, and Jamie sure as shit wasn’t helping matters. I lifted River from his crib before carrying him over to the changing table.
Tyra had made it look easy enough.
“The tabs,” Jamie reminded me when I just stood there, scratching my head. “Pull the goddamn tabs.”
You’d think we were defusing a bomb rather than changing a diaper. I did as Jamie instructed before slowly peeling the diaper away. I almost barfed. It sure as fuck looked like something exploded.
“Dude…he doesn’t even look big enough to hold that much poop. What the hell?”
I didn’t respond as I balled up the soiled diaper and tossed it inside the designated bin. River was wailing in earnest now, and I felt each cry inside of my chest. I grabbed some wipes and began cleaning him, but when I got to the diaper part, I stalled again. I could call an audible at the drop of a dime and lead an entire team to victory, but I couldn’t figure out how to diaper my own kid.
“What is going on here?”
Jamie and I looked behind us to see two nurses standing just inside the door. Seeing the diaper in my hand and my dumbfounded look, they rushed over to the changing table. From there, one of the nurses took over. I watched as she sprinkled powder on his butt, and then she patiently walked me through diapering.
“I take it you’re River’s father?” she asked once I was finished.
I nodded, though, at that moment, I didn’t feel like one.
“Don’t stress it too much,” she said, reading the look on my face. “You’ll get the hang of it eventually.” I didn’t reply, and they didn’t stick around. When the nurses reached the door, I could have sworn I heard one of them mutter, “I told you that baby had milk in his coffee.”
Jamie snorted, but I didn’t find a damn thing funny. He clapped me on the back and told me to lighten up. I shrugged him off before picking River up from the changing table. Although he wasn’t crying anymore, the frown on his face told me he still wasn’t content. Handing River over to Jamie, I made quick work of preparing his bottle before taking my son back to feed him.
River was obviously greedy as fuck the way he suckled at the nipple and the hungry sounds he made. I wondered if he’d ever catch up in size to kids his age. It wouldn’t matter to me if he one day stood shoulder to shoulder with me or stayed pint-size like his mother. I’d love the hell out of him regardless.
When the bottle was empty, I mimicked Tyra by patting him on the back. My palms turned slick with sweat as I worried that I might be too rough. That was until he gave an anticlimactic, though loud, burp. It was pretty impressive for his size. Not long after that, River was asleep again.
It was impossible to concentrate on anything other than what the hell Tyra thought she was doing with that asshole downstairs. Jamie, on the other hand, had been prattling nonstop for the last thirty minutes, and I’d barely heard a word.
“So, yeah, I found a few bumps on my dick this morning, and I was wondering if you could take a look at it for me. I’d ask Bee, but it’s not something you’d want