want to look him in the face with longing and have him stare back at me as if I mean nothing.
Later that afternoon we meet with Danny at a bar and we end up staying there all evening, until late at night. I’m tipsy, and happy, and for a moment it seems as if I had my old life back.
But in the end, I have to return back to Ward’s house. We get a cab and when we got there, Jamie helps me out. Then he hugs me because I keep saying I don’t want to do this anymore.
Eventually, I find the courage to go inside.
Chapter 39
WARD
She was away the whole weekend.
The. Entire. Fucking. Weekend.
I looked out of the window as soon as I heard a car pull up. Saw her and Jamie embrace outside. Even kiss maybe. I couldn’t bear to look.
Fuck.
I slunk away to bed, but I couldn’t sleep. I’m back to staying out of her way again.
When Jamie turns up the next morning, I’m already in the gym, working out. He’s impressed. Says that I’m a new man.
There’s nothing new about me, or how I roll. When women get too close, I freeze up. I can’t handle it. I don’t want it, and so I tell them to go, and then I miss them.
When Jamie leaves, I take my lunch and head back into the study because I can’t face her. I can’t bear to be around her.
But once I’m at my desk, I play with my tuna salad. My appetite lost. All I see is that image of her with her arms around Jamie. I keep staring at the screen, editing and rewriting my words, hating every single word that I’ve written. I’m in danger of stalling again.
This has to stop. I’ve decided I’m going home to New Orleans at the end of this week, even if the manuscript isn’t as finished as I want.
Mari is playing with me. Messing with my head. Screwing with my writing. I can’t have another day of sitting unable to do anything because I am this close to finishing this book, and yet these last few chapters have dragged on.
I know the reason why. She’s in the kitchen, oblivious of the hell she’s putting me through. She’s left her mark on me. Wormed her way into my skin, burrowed deep into my mind.
I will fix this now. I push away from my table and decide to confront her but in my quietly simmering haste and rage, I run right into her as I storm out of my study. She’s outside my door, carrying the vacuum cleaner. Her large eyes widen, and she springs back, still clutching the damned vacuum cleaner pipe.
“Sorry,” she cries, breathless and timid, and so unlike her. The shock of brushing against her has a similar effect on my mind. I feel just as breathless and startled but I don’t apologize. I’m not in the mood to be nice.
“You were gone the entire weekend.”
She tilts her head, lifting her chin in a defiant manner. “And what if I was? You said I have weekends off. I’m sorry I forgot to leave your lunch, and dinner.”
“I can manage.”
“Then what’s the problem? Because I can see there is one.”
Smart little minx. She’s come to know me so well. My moods, my thoughts. It’s almost frightening. I grit my teeth. Honesty isn’t the way I deal with these things. Not when it comes to being vulnerable, letting myself open up to another person. My past taught me that doing so only breaks you. I want to be unbreakable, and that’s why I don’t get close. Rob is the closest I will allow, and now Mari wants to know what the problem is.
“I’m careful.” I breathe out. Confessing is hard. “When it comes to meeting people, I like to keep my distance.”
“Is that all?” she asks, confounding me. What the hell does she mean ‘is that all’? I narrow my eyes.
“We’re done then.” She bends down to pick her vacuum cleaner up again.
I let her take a few strides away from me, before hollering. “No. That is not all.”
She sets down the vacuum cleaner but doesn’t immediately turn to face me. This woman is going to be the death of me. She presses every single button to my moods, turning them as easily as if she were changing channels on a TV remote.
I’ve never met anyone like her, have never been with anyone like her. I’m at her mercy, and while