normal about me coming downstairs wearing Ward’s robe, and having overslept, and with Ward coming downstairs after me. None of this is normal, and Jamie isn’t stupid.
“He’s annoyed with me,” I say to Jamie, making up a story on the go, and struggling to make it sound believable.
“He didn’t sound too annoyed.”
Jamie doesn’t follow me into the kitchen but hangs around in the doorway. He doesn’t want to talk, but I am desperate to prove that nothing happened last night, even though all the evidence points to the contrary.
“He’s annoyed with me, you remember how he was with the pen?” I’m trying to buy more time so I can figure out a better excuse. Instead, Jamie raises an eyebrow.
“Coffee?” I say, putting the kettle on.
“Since when do I have coffee before the workout? And since when does Ward ever go to the workout before me?” Jamie snaps.
I pick up a wooden spoon as if to make a point. “I’m fed up. I hate this job. I’m sick of answering the door, and cooking, and cleaning, and I’m sick of tiptoeing around on eggshells around that man. I’m better than this.”
Jamie blinks at me as if I’ve had some sort of meltdown. I have. But it’s a completely different type of meltdown. Again, he’s not buying this. I can see the cogs of his brain turning and trying to piece it together. “I need to speak to Danny,” I say. “One of his contacts emailed me to arrange a job interview.”
Jamie’s face twists. He then turns and leaves.
I wait a moment before I allow myself to breathe out. My ruse was pathetic. It didn’t work. He knows. He knows what I’ve been up to, and he’s already judging me. This makes me angry, and I rush upstairs to shower and get ready. After that I rush back to clean the study first while waiting for Jamie to finish.
But after the workout Jamie doesn’t stop for our usual chat and he leaves without saying a word. I won’t even know where to begin, in order to explain how this, me and Ward, happened.
“What did he say?” I ask Ward when he comes back downstairs after his shower.
His face breaks out into a dirty grin “He said I was getting big.” He flexes his arm and proudly shows off a bulging bicep. The tease. Does he know what the sight of his muscles does to me? I could indulge in innuendo and entice Ward back to bed in the middle of the day—this would be a new challenge—but I am determined to find out whether Jamie was suspicious.
“But what did he say? About me wearing his robe? And us not opening the door. Didn’t he find it odd?”
“He didn’t say anything.”
“He knows,” I say, wringing my hands. It shouldn’t matter, but it does. In all the time he’s known me I’ve made bad mistakes. I’ve been hurt and I messed up, and then I got hurt again, and now I’m doing this.
He can’t know the truth of me and Ward.
“Why are you so worried?” Ward’s hand grazes my cheek, but it doesn’t settle there. He moves his hand away and pours himself a cup of coffee. This is what I expect from him. He’s not going to daydream about the things we can spend time doing, even after the night we’ve had. He’s focussed and goal orientated and he’s already thinking about the book and everything he’s got to do today.
He’s not thinking of me.
I’m about to answer, but he’s walked out. His mind is elsewhere and I’ve lost him already.
Chapter 42
MARI
My life flips on its side. Things are going well with Ward, but Jamie is the one who is now giving me grief.
He’s not being outright rude, but he’s ignoring me. Barely says ‘hi’ when he arrives and then rushes out so fast that I never catch him in time to confront him.
Ward and I have settled into another routine. There are no rewards this time, not like before. He doesn’t always sleep in my bed, but on those nights he does, it’s not always about the sex. We talk.
He’s also starting to open up to me. Telling me things from his childhood and how he got into writing. I learn things about his step father that make my blood boil. I discover how much his mother let him down. I come to understand him better.
He tells me about how he took to writing when he was in his teens and a