mocked me. To cut a long story short, he ripped it up, and we got into a fight. That’s when I ended up in the children’s home for a while. Things had been getting bad at home but this particular incident topped it all. Apart from Rob or my editor, I’ve never been able to have anyone read my work before it’s published.”
My heart lurches. Everything about him, every single thing from his past is filled with hurt. We are broken people, he and I and we could be whole again, if we allowed ourselves to help one another. I venture another step towards him but he motions for me to stay where I am.
He’s pushing me away, while I’m not about to leap at him with open arms, it breaks my heart the way he’s keeping me at bay. “I’d better go, before Jamie gets back and gets upset.”
“We’re not together,” I say, needing him to know. “We never have been.”
“Much to his annoyance, I’m sure.”
I detest his sarcasm and am about to say something when I suddenly realize it’s the truth.
“He likes you, and he can’t stand that you’re with me. That you were with me.” Ward walks towards the door, but I don’t want him to leave. I want him to stay and talk. “I blame myself for breaking your phone. I blame myself for putting you through the anguish of not reaching your mother sooner, of never having that chance. The guilt will always linger with me. It’s mine, not yours, to hold onto.”
He opens the door and stands in the doorway. “I know how you feel, Mari. Lost and bewildered. Numbed and paralyzed into inaction. If you let yourself spiral in so deep, no one and nothing will be able to pull you back out. The price of inertia is too high. Believe me, I’ve been there.”
Don’t go, I want to scream at him, but I manage to stop myself while regret cleaves my heart and I watch him walk away forever.
Chapter 54
MARI
The atmosphere between me and Jamie has become more strained ever since Ward showed up here with my belongings last week.
I’ve managed to get a job at Danny’s place and now I can make plans to leave Jamie alone and find a place of my own. I don’t want things to get so bad between us that we can’t bear the sight of one another. Jamie has helped me in many ways, but he also makes me feel claustrophobic. This is something I never noticed before.
Taking Ward’s advice to not get sucked into a spiral of depression, I try to make a pointed effort to get my affairs in order. It also easier to do this now that I have a job, and will have money coming in.
I can finally start to make plans and this afternoon I plan to start looking for an apartment.
It’s only when I finally get around to looking at my finances, that I discover I’m still getting paid for the housekeeping job. I’m not getting paid the same amount, I’m getting paid double. And there is a suspicious payment of a few extra thousand dollars.
I peer closer, thinking I’m the target of some sophisticated scammer who has planted money in my account and will somehow siphon it away later. It’s difficult for me to believe that good things can happen to me, but after a phone call to the bank, I learn that the payments are legitimate.
I call Rob and ask him.
“Good to hear from you, Mari. I’m very sorry to hear about your mother. This must be such a terrible blow.”
“It was unexpected, to say the least. I’m not sure I’ve recovered.”
“Something like this is difficult to recover from. Ward said you were taking time away.”
“I needed to.”
“That’s completely understandable. I was going to call you at some point,” he says. This immediately fills me with dread. He’s obviously noticed the overpayment and wants to rectify it. “You can come back whenever you feel ready.”
It sounds to me that Ward hasn’t told him I quit. I decide to come clean. “Uh … I quit, actually.”
“You quit?”
“Almost six weeks ago. There’s been a mistake because I’m still getting paid for it.”
“Ward insisted, he said it was only right that you get paid, especially after such a difficult time.”
“Okay,” I say slowly. So, he’s choosing to pay me even though I quit? “But I’ve been paid too much.”
“Too much?”
“Yes, way too much,” I tell him. He must find this