back to the house so you can make sure Kitten is okay. Something tells me you have a lot of apologizing to do.”
I slug him in the arm. Fuck. I know I do, but that doesn’t mean he has to rub it in.
“Wait till you fall in love. I bet she’ll have you by the balls within a week.”
Roman shakes his head, locking up the gym. “Nope. I don’t do love, big bro. I do fucking, and that’s it. I’m not stupid like you.”
“Being in love isn’t stupid,” I growl, getting in his car.
Roman rolls his eyes, and starts driving us back to the house, back to Violet.
Fuck. I’m going to be on my knees for a while, begging and pleading for her forgiveness.
21
Violet
Hating him would be easier, but whatever I try, I just can’t make myself do it. I know I have every right to hate him after what he did. I should not want him near me. I should want him to never touch me again and yet all I want is for him to be here right now and hold me in his arms.
He didn’t believe me when I told him I saw Ella, because he knew something I didn’t. He could have told me right then or all the other times I’ve ask him about her.
If she is really dead then part of me would be, too. I still can’t wrap my mind around the idea of her being gone. It must be a mistake, right? I’m so confused. My mind is in disarray. What if Ivan is right, and it was the drugs? What if I didn’t see her, and she is really dead? No, no, no… It can’t be true.
I wipe at the tears streaming down my cheeks, and another sob rips from my throat, filling the empty room. I’m angry, sad, and just disappointed in myself and in Ivan.
The things I said. The secret he kept for so long. I think I might’ve been able to handle him keeping it from me if it weren’t for how angry and dismissive he would get every time I brought her up. He knew how important she was to me, how important it was to me to let her know I was okay and the whole time… the whole time, he knew she was dead?
My head starts to hurt, my eyes feel swollen, and my throat burns like hell. I need to get up and get a drink. I get up from the bed and slowly drag myself to the kitchen. The house is unusually quiet, and I wonder if I am actually alone. Would Ivan have truly left me here all alone? The thought hurts me more than I want to admit.
“Hello?” I call down the hall in the open space. “Ivan? Roman?” Complete silence follows. “Anybody?” I sniffle, feeling tears sting my eyes. I walk into the living room and realize that for the first time in many weeks, I am actually alone, completely alone, and not locked up. I would have thought that something like this would feel good, but this freedom is not something I’m used to and to be honest, I feel lost and alone without Ivan.
I wrap my arms around myself and walk into the kitchen, going to the cabinet to get a glass. I grab one and head over to the fridge to get ice and water. When I pass the pantry, I hear the growl of my stomach in my ears.
God, I’m always hungry… always hungry, always tired. It must be all the stress, the worry of the unknown future that has me feeling these things.
I grab a granola bar and walk back out into the kitchen, taking a drink of water as I do so. A part of me wonders what Ivan and Roman are doing right now? Would he leave and find someone else? He was so angry when he left, and I don’t even understand why he was. I’m the one who should have been throwing stuff around, not him.
It’s not like I lied to him. I open the granola bar, sinking my teeth into it, and that’s when I hear it. The sound of glass breaking. My pulse picks up as I walk back toward the bedroom. I can’t tell exactly where the sound came from, but I’ll be safest in our bedroom, right?
I’m halfway down the hall when I hear the sound of heavy footfalls behind me. I twist around just in time