I was comfortable and had everything I needed. He even cooked for me.
It made coming back down here this morning dreadful. The last thing I want is to spend more time in this room, especially after everything that happened here, but he did as he said he would and got me a phone. I keep it hidden in the sweatpants I’m wearing just as he instructed.
It feels heavy in my pocket, giving me a sense of security. If someone comes in here to hurt me, I can call him. He set his number on up on speed dial and made me practice calling him, as if I didn’t know how to use a cell phone or something. If I need to, I can have the phone unlocked and his number dialed blindly within three seconds while keeping it in my pocket.
The day seems to drag on as I wait for the last meal of the day. Thanks to the phone, I actually know what time it is. I go into the corner of the bathroom, where I know no one can see me and check the phone. It’s nearly six and Ivan said food is delivered around six, which means I won’t have to wait much longer to see him.
I feel like a little kid waiting impatiently for Christmas morning. The minutes tick by slowly when I’m away from him, but when I’m in his arms, it seems like they won’t slow down. When I finally hear the food flap being opened and my tray being pushed through it, I almost tell the guy on the other side thank you. I take the tray and sit down on the mattress, chewing on the stale bread.
Besides what Ivan made me, I’ve only had less than appetizing sandwiches, and I’m sure it’s starting to show. As soon as I get out of this place, I’m going to have a nice juicy burger. I visualize myself eating the burger and take a sip of water to wash it down.
It doesn't take long until the door opens once more, and Ivan’s large frame appears. I jump up from the mattress and run straight into his arms. He hugs me briefly but then releases me, and I miss the warmth of his embrace with seconds.
“We can’t linger, just in case someone comes down here for whatever reason. You know what to do, right?” He gives me a knowing look.
“Keep my eyes closed and my mouth shut,” I confirm.
He nods and picks me up, throwing me over his right shoulder. I hold on to the back of his shirt as he hurries up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I have no idea how he does this while carrying me on his back, let alone without breaking out into sweat, but somehow, he does.
By the time we get to his place, I am dizzy from the fast movement while hanging upside down, but I could care less about my journey up here. All I care about is being here now… with him. Most of the marks on my back are nearly healed, the belt having not cut into my skin as badly as I thought.
I think back to my thoughts earlier, of how I planned to prove to him how deserving of me he really is. He denied me once before, but I won’t let him deny me this time. If this is the only piece of myself I can give him, then I want him to have it.
“Ivan…” I nervously stand in the middle of the living room while he’s in the kitchen getting me something to drink. “I want to… I mean…” I stumble over the words, unable to get them out. I’m a nervous wreck, wondering how he’ll respond to my request.
Ivan returns from the kitchen and hands me a glass of orange juice. “What is it, Kitten?”
I take the glass from his hands, suck in a quick breath, and try again to get the words out. “I still want you to be my first. I know you don’t think you deserve me, but you do. I want to have this experience together. I want to give that part of myself to you and not because I feel like I need to repay you, but because I want this. I want the choice. I want this memory.”
Ivan shakes his head, taking a step backward. “You don’t know what you want, Violet. You don’t want me to be your first. You have