wishes me dead. I destroy anyone who gets close to me, and I’ll destroy her, too, if I don’t let her go.
“Roman…” I called out for my brother, but he wouldn’t look at me.
He hated me as much as I hated myself.
“You killed her, Ivan. You killed our sister.” Tears filled his blue eyes, and I swallowed around the guilt and shame that coated my insides.
“I didn’t mean for her to get hurt.” I pleaded with him to understand, for anyone to understand. I was so alone, so broken, that parts of me wished it was me who had been struck by a car that day instead of Mira. I deserved to die, not her. She was young, beautiful, and had a long life ahead of her.
“All you had to do was be a brother.” Roman shoved against my chest, and I let him. He pushed me, his fists slamming against my chest. We were both the same size now, and if I wanted to, I could probably stop him, but I didn’t want to.
I wanted to die. I wanted him to hurt me.
“All you had to do was watch her, and you didn’t. You let her die, you killed her…” Each word came with a punch, and I didn’t even realize I was crying until the tears started to fall.
“It should have been me, Roman. It should have been.” At my words, the punches stopped, and I blinked away the tears staining my vision. Roman looked me straight in the eyes, my little brother, the last person I had in my life to protect.
“I hate you, Ivan. I hate you,” he snarled, and I knew he meant every single word he said.
When I come to, there are tears on my cheeks and my entire body shakes with anger and sadness. It’s been years since I cried, since I fucking let the feelings unravel inside me, but vowing to help Violet, seeing her struggle and be attacked, brought those feelings closer to the surface.
“Fuck her,” I growl, chugging the rest of the whiskey in the bottle. I’m angry... so fucking angry. I’m on the verge of exploding and even through the fucking haze, I know I still want her. Even when I shouldn’t, I still want her. I want her to love me, because I want to love her, too... and maybe in some way, I fucking do.
I don’t know. I let the whiskey burn me from the inside out, drowning out my emotions. Every single fucking thought fades as the alcohol takes over my body. I throw the bottle against the wall, listening as it hits, shattering into a million pieces in various directions. I grab the next thing I see and toss it against the wall…
I didn’t save her... I didn’t… Like a tornado ripping through a small town, I destroy my apartment. Nothing matters. Nothing. I grab a bottle of vodka and start chugging it. It burns my insides and makes my eyes water but I don’t care. I just don’t want to feel anymore.
A gasp fills the air… and I know who that gasp belongs to.
“Go the fuck away,” I growl, keeping my back to her. I don’t want to see her face, the pain in her eyes. She broke us. Ruined this fragile moment, a moment I gave her because she begged for it. I should have known better. I should have kept my dick in my pants.
“Ivan.” Her voice cracks something inside of me, and I hear her small footfalls moving behind me. What the fuck is she doing? Why isn’t she listening to me?
I whirl around, anger pouring out of me, like lava erupting from a volcano. She’s picking up all the shit I’ve broken, the shit I wanted to break. She’s trying to fix things that can’t be fixed and for some reason, that makes me angrier.
“I said to fucking go away.” I stumble over to her, feeling pieces of glass imbed into the bottoms of my feet. I feel the skin slice, but I don’t feel pain. I feel nothing. I am numb. Broken.
Violet gazes up at me, her bottom lip trembling, fear taking root in those deep blues of hers. I can’t image what she’s thinking right now, how she’s feeling?
I tell myself not to care when I grab her by the arm and force her to stand, failing to notice the broken glass shards in her hand. My movements jostle her, and when I hear the cry of pain