“Hi, Rocky.”
She didn’t respond and merely continued walking in my direction. She hugged her body tightly and once again I regretted asking to meet out in the freezing field. Her red pea coat only reached up to her mid-thigh and I felt a sudden urge to wrap my body around hers to keep her warm. Imagining our night in Charleston, my body temperature spiked a few more degrees. Shaking away the thoughts—though I really didn’t want to—I straightened my shoulders and commented, “Lady in red again, I see.”
She glanced down at herself and shrugged. “Not planned. It’s like the only winter coat I own. I really should buy more, considering how shitty the snow has been recently.”
“You hate the snow, I see,” I replied, not knowing what else to say.
“That cartoon Ice Queen can suck it.”
I couldn’t help but smile and watched as she made her way carefully up the bleachers. I was perched at the top, which probably wasn’t the safest idea. I anxiously watched her climb, letting out a sigh of relief when she neared me. “Please sit down.”
To my disappointment she sat a few inches away, as if feeling a need to put space in between us. “You wanted to see me?”
The icy tone in her voice threw me off. It was as if she were speaking to a stranger…but that was what I was, right? I frowned and pressed my hands together, desperate to feel some semblance of warmth even if it wasn’t from her. “What happened, Rocky?”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “Um, you walked out on me again and—”
I could have laughed, but chose not to. I could have screamed, but I didn’t. Instead, I whispered, “That’s not what I meant. I mean how did I fall in love with you? I was never supposed to fall in love with anybody.”
She stammered, “I…I don’t know how to answer that.”
Before I lost my nerve, I continued to speak. “I was never a fan of love. All my life my parents were on some…dysfunctional bullshit. I thought finding someone special was just a stupid myth invented by the greeting card companies of the world.”
“Wow, never pegged you for a conspiracy theorist,” she replied sarcastically.
And just like that, something switched off in my head. I guess that’s what happens though, right? When you’re diving into your subconscious you start being unconscious. If somebody asked me what I said and what she said, I’d never be able to let them know. It wasn’t until I heard the word, Charleston that I snapped myself back into reality. You see, love with Rocky was always a dream—even when I actually had it, it still felt as if I was living in a fantasy world. It was probably why I never allowed myself to claim it—I knew I’d just wake up. However, Charleston was an entirely different reality and one we needed to face if we both wanted to move on once and for all. Unfortunately, Rocky confessed she didn’t plan on following me…at least not yet.
“Admit it. You were never going to come back, were you?” Rocky demanded in an accusatory tone. Her fingers clenched and unclenched helplessly. “If your mom didn’t get sick…You had your new life in Charleston. You weren’t ever going to stay here.”
“No,” I confessed.
She bowed her head and frowned. “Life happens.”
“Life happens.”
She paused for a beat and looked up at me quizzically. “You were always planning on finding a nurse for your mom, weren’t you? That’s why you came back to begin with.”
I bit my lip and sucked in my feelings of guilt. “I did want to take care of her, I really did…but she and I both knew it wasn’t going to work. I mean, a person can only take being called a mistake or stupid so many times.”
“I–I—” she stammered before I cut her off.
“From day one she and I started picking nurses together. It was about the closest mother and son activity we ever did since she bought me that flask when I was sixteen. I know I should have tried harder to salvage whatever relationship we have, but I can’t.”
Her eyebrows furrowed together and her jaw worked, as if she were fighting back the words the threatened to spill from her mouth. She lost the fight. “You told me you purposely took the job to see me. Did you think anything was going to happen between us? Were you going to try?”
I took a moment before I answered. “I wish I could