nervous. I didn’t know what you thought of me and that nervousness was justified the moment I saw you for the first time. You looked as if you were horrified to see me.”
She blinked wildly. “No, I wasn’t! I was…”
“What?”
“Nervous too,” she just about whispered.
My eyes widened and I burst into laughter. “Well, if I had known that it certainly would have made my life easier.”
The small smile on her face quickly vanished. “You would have known me if you never shut me out.”
“Rocky—”
“No, let me finish. If you were so afraid of me triggering you and bringing you back down, what was the deal with you trying to make me bad? What was the deal with messing with me?”
My face twisted in agony. “I guess…I guess…”
“Enough with all the secrets, Jesse.” She snapped two fingers in the air, the corners of her mouth pulled down in a frown. “You aren’t the only one who grew into their big boy pants. If you have something to say to me, just say it. This isn’t some stupid art critic tearing me down; it’s my best friend confusing me. I need some clarification before I go crazy.”
I pulled at my hair as if to coax me along a beaten path, which is exactly what I felt like—a battered horse trying to hobble my way back to safety. “I guess I wanted to reconnect with you so bad that at that point I didn’t care anymore, okay? I wanted so much to feel what we used to have that I figured if, that even for a bit, we reverted back to what we used to be, things would be good between us. And…”
“Yes?”
My vision darkened at the edges. Being honest wasn’t always my strong suit. “When your dad gave me the job he made me promise not to drag you down again. He told me you were a good girl and remained one after I left. I guess it took that moment to realize I was the one who suckered you into all the trouble we got into. In some stupid corner of my mind I thought that maybe if I proved you did have that bad girl in you all along then I wasn’t so bad after all. I wasn’t the only one to blame.”
“Well, that’s kinda selfish.”
“What was I supposed to do, Rocky?” I demanded.
“I don’t know, maybe you shouldn’t have thrown genitalia at my face?” she hissed back.
I glanced around horrified, certain that one of my prep cooks or dishwashers overheard her. “Can you keep it down? You do realize we’re at my job, right?”
“Like those rubber dildos weren’t showcased around mine?” She rolled her eyes and sneered. “Stop throwing double standards at me.”
I sighed, eyeing a cook who was obviously eavesdropping. “I’m sorry. I guess I just got caught up in the moment.”
“Funny, I remember saying that same line to somebody and not being believed.”
“About that…”
“Can we not talk about it right now?” she cut me off. “Can we just focus on why you were messing with me?”
I still couldn’t believe that she didn’t get it, though I really couldn’t blame her for still being pissed at the whole sex toy debacle. “Because we had fun! Because it felt like old times! Because even though you acted horrified I saw the hint of happiness in your eye each time we busted each other’s chops. You liked it as much as I did. You looked happier than you ever did when Ethan was around.” I gulped, needing to ask the one question jumping into the forefront of my brain. I didn’t know if I wanted to know the answer, but like water to a thirsty man I needed it badly. “Do you love him?”
She stared back at me stunned. “What?”
“Do you love him?”
She flinched. “I don’t know. It’s a little too soon for that, don’t you think?”
I knew I was pressing my luck, but I needed to call it as I saw it. “You know he’s not good for you, right?”
“Why not?”
Was she being serious right now?
“Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve been telling you?” I waited for a response, but when I didn’t receive one I groaned in exasperation. “Fine. Do you want a tour?”
“Wait, what?” She looked at me as if I had grown two heads.
“Of my restaurant. This conversation is a bit heavy. I think we need a break.”
Chapter 28
I wasn’t sure if fate was throwing me a bone or somehow still fucking me over, but