Maybe this is actually indicating that you have a need to be maternal in some other way, he says. Maybe you could address these feelings by caring for, educating, or tending to fellow humans who aren’t your children.
If you’ve finally retired, maybe the yearning you feel for your old desk is more about a need to be part of a team or to have the sense that your ideas are making a difference. Perhaps you could get the same fulfillment by volunteering at a local organization as a worker or leader, Edwards says.
If your downsizing has left you with time to fill or a need to redefine your identity, I would also strongly recommend volunteering. Even if your downsizing milestone doesn’t put you in this situation—if you relocated for a new job, you might be busy, and if you just began a marriage, it has added to your identity—I’d still recommend devoting some time to helping others regularly.
As you’ve learned, you are not your stuff. Treasures hold some of your memories, and your worthy objects say a little about the things you do, but you are so much more.
Still, you can think even bigger. There’s a lot more going on beyond the walls of your home or the structures that form the boundaries of your life. There are people you haven’t met who could make your life richer. There are problems in your community that are waiting for you to help provide a solution.
The two cardboard boxes that my sister and I held outside the nursing home didn’t really hold the sum of our mother’s life. A box can’t hold yours either, even a box the size of your home.
Now that you’re in this new phase of your life, keep having experiences that are worth treasuring forever. Whether you’re closer to 40 or 80, let your time and energy be worthy possessions that you use every day to improve your family, your neighborhood, or even beyond.
My hope for you is that as you cultivate new memories, relationships, and structures in your life, you’ll hang on to the ones that make your heart sing. When you go through another big change in your life, and you will indeed, carry these with you.
All the rest that you encounter—the parts that make you feel bad, the clutter that blocks the doors to somewhere better, the obstacles that hold you back—get rid of them. Let yourself go forward to somewhere better.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Letting go is never easy, yet it’s something we all have to do constantly throughout our lives. For me, moving to the United States many years ago was the first experience of letting go and jumping into the unknown. Since then, there have been many times when saying yes to an opportunity (when often I only wanted to say no!) brought rewards that I could never have imagined. This book is borne out of those experiences, as well as the thousands of interactions I’ve had with people who struggled with the challenge of downsizing, either by choice or through circumstances forced upon them.
I know it’s a cliché, but the truth is that no book writes itself. Let It Go is no exception. You may have noticed that I dedicated Let It Go to my family and friends, without whom this book would never have been written.
First and foremost to my husband and closest friend, Ken: My name may be on the cover of this book, but it’s his love, support, enthusiasm, and encouragement that make it all possible.
To my mother and siblings, thank you. Family has always been so important to me, even more so since my mother passed away less than 12 months ago. Her passing was the impetus for Let It Go, and the process that my brothers, sisters, and I went through following her death played a key part in what you hold in your hands.
My closest friends—who are my adopted family—are also in these pages. Living so far from my family and home country, I rely on them enormously, and they never let me down. For their friendship, support, good humor, and feedback, I thank them.
To my collaborator and wonderfully skilled wordsmith Eric Metcalf, I owe a huge thank you. This is our second collaboration and one that I’ve enjoyed enormously. It is a huge pleasure to work with such a talented writer and gifted storyteller. Let’s do it again!
My editor at Rodale, Marisa Vigilante, has championed Let It Go from the start and provided valuable feedback and insights that have only improved the final manuscript. And to the creative and marketing departments at Rodale, thanks for making Let It Go look good and for promoting it so enthusiastically.
To the experts who so generously agreed to be interviewed for Let It Go—Brian Caverly; Carolyn Curasi, PhD; Jay Edwards, MA, MFT; David J. Ekerdt, PhD; Sam Gosling, PhD; Julie Hall; Lynda Hammond; Larry Lehmann; and Jennifer Lodi-Smith, PhD—thank you for sharing your perspective, your insights, and your knowledge. The book is richer for your contribution.
To those who shared their stories and anecdotes—Karen Cadman, Debra Clements, Meg Lightbown, Nancy Little, Susan Moore, Donna Vickroy, and many others—thank you. When it comes to letting go, we each have a story to tell and something to teach. Thanks to all of you for being so open and generous in telling your tale and shedding light on the process of downsizing.
And finally, to the many thousands of you who have supported my work and have responded so enthusiastically to the idea of decluttering and downsizing, none of this would have been possible without you.
I have seen that the stuff that comes into our lives—especially the belongings we inherit from those we love—can be a crushing burden. It’s through the process of downsizing that we can find a path to personal freedom and the exciting opportunities that life has to offer. Jump on board, and enjoy the ride!