as their requests are fair to everyone. As far as you are concerned, only take items that you truly feel are treasures, instead of trying to get as many objects as your siblings are claiming. Only worry about what’s important to you.
Downsizing your parents’ stuff is not about achieving an equal score. It’s about carrying away the take-home message you need to hear from your parents. Within my own family, we were fascinated to hear what our siblings wanted. Everyone was captivated by the stories of what a sibling remembered about a moment or an object. Interestingly, almost none of the treasures that my brother and sisters and I identified had any real monetary value.
Inevitably, two or more people in your family will want to claim the same treasure. So I recommend that everyone first make up his or her own treasure map, then participate in an agreed-upon method that helps ensure that all have an equal chance to take home as much of their list as possible.
You can deploy the following options as they’re written here, adjust the details for your family’s individual needs, or even use them in combination.
1. Get back what you gave. Here’s an easy way to start distributing mom and dad’s possessions. Whoever gave them an item gets the first opportunity to take it. This is how my siblings and I began the process of downsizing our mother’s house.
I suspect that your emotional attachment to objects you gave your parents may not be especially strong, and these items probably won’t comprise a major portion of your treasure map. Still, it will get your process started. Plus, figuring out who gave your parents which item is generally easy to determine, so it’s not likely to spawn arguments. You want to start your downsizing effort with a success, and this step should provide it.
2. Go back to the request list you made in advance. Was your family able to act on Step 3 of this process (see here) while one or both parents were alive? This is the step in which your parent suggests where particular items should go, and you and your siblings announce your wishes for items.
If so, start collecting the possessions that mom or dad wanted you to have or that you requested back then.
3. Let chance have its say. Ask all the participants to draw straws, roll dice, or pick a number to determine the order in which people get to choose the treasure they want. (Don’t go by age or height!) Whoever goes first gets to walk through the home and pick one treasure.
Then the second person goes, followed by the third, and so on. Once everyone has had a turn, then the participants draw numbers or roll the dice again and choose another treasure. As people get their fill of the items they want, they can drop out. Once everyone is satisfied, the group can then turn its attention to the next category of possessions in the home: the worthy items that have some functional or monetary value.
A warning here: Though treasures are intended to be primarily sentimental items, some of these things will also have monetary value. You may want to exclude certain expensive items, like gold coins or vehicles, before starting this method. Your group may also want to set a maximum value of the treasures that each person may take free of charge. If someone chooses a pile of sentimental treasures that are worth more than, say, $500, perhaps the excess will be deducted from his or her share of the proceeds of the rest of the estate.
* * *
Uncover Family Stories While Downsizing
I encourage you to share stories about the objects that are important or special to you. You’ll be amazed at the insights you’ll gain into your family members. No one’s memories are the same, and a moment or object that seems insignificant to you may have been life-changing for someone else. The opportunity to learn about those close to you is a major gift from this downsizing experience.
* * *
* * *
Start Helping Your Kids with Their Future Parent Downsizing
Never waste an opportunity to do some advance downsizing of your own! As you go through your parents’ home, apply what you’re learning to your own possessions.
Do you have a treasure that you would like a specific child, grandchild, niece, or nephew to keep? Do you have a family heirloom that you would like to be donated to a local museum? Now’s the time to put